Sometimes 'ready' is a concept no one can reach. But we have to take that leap, no matter how far the fall. And hope like hell on the way down that someone's waiting to catch us.

Nervous? A little.Going to Red Deer with Cory again. Only staying overnight this time.

He knows me, maybe better than anyone. He reads me as if I'm a book. Cory just seems to know me that well. The other night we were texting about what we were thinking. I ended up saying it was a secret and her persistently kept trying. Then he ended up saying 'Ya. It always seems like theres something u want to tell me but are scared too or something.' I didn't know what to say and he said I made things mysterious. Then we went on talking for a bit and he told me 'So I am right. lol. And I think I know what ur scared to tell me. But I'm not going to say it. I'll trust u will tell me when ur ready.' He has to know how I feel but why he's just dropping it confuses me.

And even when Death came to me, I said nothing could keep me away from you.

And when everyone overlooks most things about me, there's you reading me like an open book.

A good relationship is when you can be your real self around each other and not get embarrassed.

Never hesitate to fall in love.

A single word could hold all the power in the world, use it wisely.

I'll sink into these lyrics,
Don't speak, I won't hear it
Louder now, drown out my thoughts
No matter your words, I won't be bought.

There's a fear in the air that makes me choke,
Like the devils hand around my throat.
There's a shadow in the corner watching me,
Like a deathly angel of unpleasantry.

Would you be my crying shoulder?
Kiss away the tears...
Would you hold me close?
And chase away my fears.
Could you be the one to find me,
When all I want to do is hide?
And when I'm all alone;
Would you be there by my side?

If loving you is the charge, then lock me up cause I'm completely guilty...

I find the stars magical...I'm not a space freak but it's just so mind blowing to look up and see the twinkling stars and the glow of the moon. Especially in a place with no light pollution. And you can just see everything from the Andromeda to various light's that illuminate the navy sky. It's lovely. I just wish I had someone to share the beauty of the night sky with. And pathetic as it sounds, to me it would be romantic..

You wear a mask a deadly disguise;
Spin that tangled web of lies.

You make my heart race fast and my breathing slow to a stop.

Love is when you miss someone before they leave. You think about them when you wake up each morning, and they're the last one you think about each night...Love is the strongest emotion and the hardest to control... Love is strange and no one can explain it, no one really wants to... Because the greatest things in life are unexplained, explaining them would ruin life. All in all love is bittersweet.

Gawd damnz eet Addi...and me cause we are one. It sucks Nat like you even though your really me...tonight he just had to say that.

"You know..I really have to agree with your friends..
Your are the pure and perfect personification of beauty itself."

Yea this is what happens when you have a fake persona, apparently.

Your presence it feels so near
Each touch seems to linger here
Every word spoken hangs in the air
Where ever you are, I'll be there

I know your not too far, and I'll still see you. But I'm still going to miss you, so take care of my heart while your gone.

You may just break my heart yet, but either way the pieces are yours to keep.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, and I'm out of control, and at times; hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

-Marilyn Monroe

So yesterday was pretty fun. Ended up going to Red Deer with Cory, and even though it was hard waking up so early, especially after staying up so late it was definitely worth it. First we had to head to Westend to fuel up and to pick up my pay cheque. Everyone was surprised to see me walk in so early and asked what I was up to. And of course the suspicious looks and chastises started up when I said I was going to go to Red Deer with Cory for the day. Jeanette and Tom even went so far as to say "You and Cory are together? We'll spread the word". I blushed and denied saying we were just friends and not to spread rumors. After the rest of the teasing Jeanette gave us a cheque to drop off at the Royal bank for her (Even though there are like 30 banks in Rocky she had to use one in Red Deer) we got text from Cory's friend Lizzi asking if we wanted to go float down the river. Well seeing as we'd had plans to attempt it we agreed and headed off to gather out swim gear. The drive to Red Deer was fun we joked and sang along to music. Once in the city we concluded that the truck was definitely the loudest but the koolest. Lol all the weird looks and stuff from people was amusing and Cory just kept putting the truck into gear and the truck would get louder. We found out way to Parkland Mall easy enough and wandered around looking for cell phone covers with no luck. Then just decided to say screw it and headed for Wal-Mart to look for an inflatable boat or something. We found a few and thought about it and wondered if we should check Canadian Tire to see if they had more options or better deals. Whether of not to check the other store turned into a play argument between the two of us and ended in a poke war and a hug, and we headed off to Canadian Tire. Of course they couldn't make things findable in that store or it'd be too easy so we wandered around joking and playing with merchandise. Finally we found the area where lots of inflatable boats were and we mulled over options. I had to joke we could just get and air bed and float that down the river. Cory just messed up my hear and shook his head. We picked a boat and grabbed some paddles and an air pump. Well we still had some time to kill cause Lizzi went to Inisfail for a bit, so we decided to try and find Bower Mall. Cory with the typical male attitude lol would not ask for directions. I thought it was down the main drag and through down town we started that way and Cory said he didn't think it was through town so we turned and went back the other direction. We got hopelessly lost and I ended up phoning home to ask Auntie Sandy and Uncle Shane for directions. They laughed at me as if I was supposed to know my way perfectly around Red Deer, uhm no cause usually I just sit in the truck with headphones on pretending Grampa isn't there while he chauffeurs me around. Put two sixteen year old's in Red Deer and yea they get lost. So Uncle Shane told us to head down Gates the main drag and through town and that you couldn't miss the mall on the left. I turned and repeated the directions to Cory and told him that I was right and told him so. Apparently my family had a good laugh about that. Upon finding the mall and a parking spot which is hard in a truck we wandered around looking for cell phone cases. We found a place and she said there might be cases for the Keybo 2 at the main store and directed us in the way of the Telus store. We got there and they said they only had plain clear cases and no fancy ones. I piped up and asked if they knew where we could find kool ones. After confusion with directions we headed out and found the place. Finally new phone cases lol. There weren't very many masculine cases but Cory found a dark one with a skull. And he helped me choose between a sparkly purple one and a black one with sparkly silver stars. Cory said the one with stars looked kooler and suited my personality. In the end we didn't go floating down the river, though we intend to some other time. But meeting Lizzi and Lawson was fun, they are really great people and I was content knowing Cory was happy to see his old friend. After arriving at Lizzi's we all piled into her truck and drove around so she could finish a few errands. First stop, RDC and we wandered back and fourth throughout the campus trying to find the right place to go. While wandering I was told by Lawson that I should join Royals on the drum line, because it'd be a good experience. I might give it some thought but I'm sure my band geek fate is sealed to that damned flute of mine. We also toured around the area where Cory would be going if he ends up going to RDC for his schooling. Chapters was next on the list so Lizzi and Lawson could get some books to study and contest some of their subjects.Cory laughed and joked about thinking I'd be right at home there because I like books so much. We all had a blast checking out the 'For Dummies' books and said that whoever was clever enough tot come up with those books must be pretty damned rich. After we'd finished that we just ran around looking at boats and cars since Lizzi and Lawson were looking to buy. Lawson showed us the awesome 15 person pontoon party boat he was looking at. It was a great boat for the price, lots of seating room, storage and cup holders. Next we looked at cars. After they spotted the car they were looking to buy for Lizzi we went into the dealership and sat around while Lizzi and Lawson talked deals. Cory and I ended up just talking about random things and he grabbed my hands and twirled me around trying to get me to dance to the music playing, it was kute and fun. And then it just ended in more hugs and a poke war. While walking out he even surprised me and put his arm around my shoulders as we walked. And while we were in the grocery store later that day and I leaned down a bit tired he pulled me close into his chest and rested his chin on my head whispering softly that I could fall asleep. I refused and managed to stay awake the rest of the time we spent with Lizzi and Lawson and the ride home. On the ride home Cory was joking again how girls thought scars were hot and asked me if it was true. I smiled back and said only if they were not life threatening. The conversation went on and I again told him he had puppy eyes. He denied it again and I told him it made him adorable. Cory blushed and said guys wanted to be considered strong, sweet, kool and etc. I giggled and said he was all those as well, made him blush again. Then we went on to talk about friends and I said I would like to meet Jon sometime because he sounds like a great guy. Cory laughed and said that if I met him Jon would probably get bold and get in my face asking when I would get together with Cory. All in all the day was fun but it's just the moments like we shared during the day make me confused against the times he says he missed being with Heather.

It occurs to me that at time words are so often generously given, but the words given are not so generous themselves.

There is a saying....For In order to have great happiness,You have to have great pain and unhappiness - Otherwise how would you know when you're happy? I say, But pain and unhappiness can be avoided if you look towards the bright side and stray from the shadow. Then I suppose there is also danger in the light.

Hello mixed signals, how shall you confuse me today?

I don't want a knight in shining armor to ride up on his white horse. I would rather a boy in jeans to drive up in his old Dodge.

I strongly believe that when you are important to someone, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and most important of all no broken promises.

I believe that there's always a little bit of truth behind every 'Just kidding/ just wondering'. That there's a little bit of emotion behind every 'I don't care'. And a little bit of pain behind every 'It's okay'.

So last night I hung out with Rylee and heard some interesting things that I just don't get. I was saying how there was no way I could be right for Cory cause Heather was so much more pretty than me. Then Rylee said how Heather was jealous of me. And that one time their bus had gone by while I was walking across the bridge to work. Heather spoke up and said to Rylee, "Oh is that Rhianna? She's a bitch. She talks to Cory. Oh I should be quiet, cause your friends with her..." So yea...apparently there was more than just dirty looks in the hallway. Rylee also told me Heather fought with Cory a lot. Omg.