So I have to admit, there is just something about you that calls to me. You are like a child when you light up with that smile. But I know there is another side to you that I haven't seen yet and I hope that I can earn your trust enough to see it.

It's like a drought or a flood, nothing or everything. You completely fucked me up. If I give in, and I remember, which almost everything makes me...then it comes rushing in and I feel everything. The anger,the pain, the sadness and more, it's just empty though. But when I ignore it, you...there's just, nothing. I'm numb.

P, you know you have really done a number on me. God it's like I can't even escape you, which makes no sense because you left. You were my best friend, and I loved you dearly. Maybe more than I should have. Fuck, you know, everything seems to spark a memory of you. Even my favorite new show. Ironically my favorite character, Sid, he reminds me so much of the you that I used to know. Every fucking bit. Tonight I snapped and cried for you again. God I wish I was as cold as you, not remembering, not caring, and certainly not hurting.

I'm scared of a lot of things right now. Myself, and everyone else. I don't want to leave the house when it isn't necessary because I am terrified of getting hurt again. I can't even admit things to myself anymore. Does that even make any sense? Well, either way it is the truth. I have isolated myself from the world, and even then there are cracks in the wall I built and things keep slipping through. Like you. Even though you moved away, I seem to see you every where and ti's driving me insane. Haven't you hurt me enough already? Because of you I don't want any one else near me, because there is absolutely nothing else left in me to break. The fight has all gone out of me and I'm hurting, terribly bad. You know how I live now? If you can even call it living. I have become a ghost of the girl I was, I read, and I watch shows, I live through things that aren't real. I go through the motions but even then, I'm not really into any of it. I hope you are happy where ever you are, and I hope that maybe there is some chance you still remember me, if the drugs haven't taken memories from you to along with decency. And if they haven't I hope you have each thing, and I hope you're ashamed of yourself, of what you've done. Maybe it isn't fair I blame you, but it isn't just you and we both know that. You just happened to be the final pebble that made it all collapse.

I'm clean. I've been clean for quite a while. But you, you make be want to take it all over again. You make me want to get so fucking high that I don't even know myself anymore. And that really scares me.

It's my fucking money, I earn it. Therefore I will do what I bloody well want with it. Even if that means hiring some Male Elf Strippers.

You're still very much alive, somewhere. But the way I keep breaking down, it's as if you've died. It's like I'm standing here and the world is going on around me, but how can they? can they not see that I'm hurting, screaming silent lungs out inside. Everything is just so surreal. Can't you tell me that I'm being just a little bit stupid? Can't you tell me anything? I never got goodbye, but maybe I would not have handled it. But then again I'm not handling it now. Unless you call crying, and looking back handling things? I miss you. But maybe you don't miss me. I'm actually terrified that maybe you hate me and it was all some big charade.

1000 Girls, Two Hands, One Epic Month

1000 Girls, Two Hands, One Epic Month

Wow I can't believe how bold he is, sure takes bravery. I really love some of the girls reactions.

I wish I knew, if you were worth all the tears that I've cried for you.

I'm feeling out of place or something. I have no clue what's going on with me but I don't know how to stop it. Since he left I don't know it's like I've backed away and put the walls up. I'm normally a very social person and hate being away from my friends but now I'd do anything to be away from them except a select 2 people. I mean yea at school I'll hang around with people but that's more out of necessity than anything else. But as soon as the final bell rings I just don't want them near me, I'll go out of my way to avoid them. I make up excuses and lie my way out of hanging out with anyone. If people texts I'm irritated and never really reply. I spend most of my time alone, reading and longboarding when it isn't too cold.

I'm frozen. Cold from the inside out. And I must admit that it isn't because it's raining and the temperature isn't at a cozy setting, it's because you aren't here. I could wear the warmest sweaters or put the heat on full but nothing could help me. I miss your eyes, your smile, but mostly I just miss you.

i have said how I think and convey some things in lyrics but right now the only way I know how to show you how I feel is with them. I think that if I try to speak my voice would be lost in the chaos or I might mess it all up.

Maybe it's time to pick up the pieces again and see if I can put it all back together. It was a beautiful masterpiece, and now it's just a beautiful disaster, but I think I can't give up until it's restored.

"When you and I were getting high as Outer Space, I never thought you'd slip away. I guess I was just a little too late..."

-Shinedown- The Crow And The Butterfly

Sometimes I like to convey my thoughts using song lyrics from a song I like or a line of a book or other means. And I with you knew that. I wish you knew that sometimes I'm speaking to you in this way. I wish you knew it was my way of putting everything I want you to know in words that I don't have the means to do myself.

I love you, I really do. But at this point I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in you before. I know you have a brain and are seriously smart, so why don't you use it and stop doing such stupid action especially when the cost is so high. You'll never know that I found out and it almost killed me, I begged for you to get some mercy out of the situation, and maybe you will. But if you done and worse comes to worse, you knew the consequences when you crossed the line.

I'm not entirely sure how many read this but I'm spreading the word. Vote #teamjace in the Final Round of the YA Crush Tourney, you know you want to! He is hard to resist with his sarcastic charm that leave you laughing and then there's his to die for looks. Fans have helped him make it this far, but here is where it really counts, so come on, vote #teamjace and help him win!
Here's the link to the tourney: href="http://ya-sisterhood.blogspot.com/2011/08/grande-finale-jace-vs-zachary-match-24.html">

I think this made my day, and I have only the wonderful Lane to thank for that because he post this on my wall. : "Rhianna, first off, let me say that I loved being in Film Appreciation with you this year! We've only known each other a few months, but I would consider you a good friend of mine. You are a quirky individual - you never fail to surprise me with your bold personality. I love how you are so honest about your opinions and eager to express yourself no matter what other people may think. Don't let people get you down for being true to yourself."
:]

"No. I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's less of a threshold and more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer. But I do get easily bored."

-Jace in Cassandra Clare's City of Bones

Urban Dictionary just be one of the best sites for mindless entertainment, or just to see what other people think your name means. I think the best time I've ever had with this site was fucking around on the site with my best friends Peter and Lacey in Foods class instead of looking up out decorative sandwich things. Of course for the most part the teacher thought we were on task thanks to Peter pulling up the "Sammich" tab on UD every time she walked by. He was keeping us all entertained with his animated readings of the definitions. The dirtier the funnier lol. It was going great until the sub walked by and Peter again, faithfully pulled up the other tab and exclaimed "Sammich!" and began rereading the definition out loud. The sub then looked at him and said "You do realize I gave the class free time?" God the look on our faces was priceless.

Check the urban definition....Sammich: A sammich is a type of sandwich. However, it is not just any kind of sandwich. Any old schmuck can throw lunchmeat between two slices of bread and have a sandwich. But no. A sammich is not just a sandwich, it is not just a meal. Sammich is a term reserved for only the holiest and mightiest of all sandwiches. A sammich is a true work of culinary art; a feast on a bun, if you will. A sammich is not made of the best ingredients; it is made of the *right* ingredients. It needs the right meats, and the right cheese(s), the right sauce, the right veggies, and the right kind of bread. Taking footlong sub bread and throwing every kind of meat and cheese and everything else under the sun or in your kitchen pantry on it does not a sammich make. It is akin to an incohesive mishmosh of colors on an artist's easel. Sandwiches make a good snack, but sammiches are forever.

I'm looking through some pictures I've taken over the last while and I came across this one. It still makes me laugh, god we are such totally dorks. I love it though, this still remains one of the best pictures my camera has ever snapped. It is sad however that some of us have gone our separate ways. Lacey you're still one of my best friends and I love you. Ashley, Cassy, well the memories were good, and I hope your lives take you where you want to go and maybe we'll cross paths again.

"Here we go again
I kinda wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid
You're never satisfied
Here we go again
We're sick like animals
We play pretend
You're just
A cannibal
And I'm afraid
I won't get out alive
I won't sleep tonight"

--Neon Trees- Animal

"Be with me. Want me. Stay with me.
I don’t know how to be without you."

-Cassandra Clare- Because It Is Bitter

“But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.”

— Stephen Crane

The next time a customer looks at me and asks me : "Would you like me to just put the money in your bra?" I swear to god I'm going to say: "No how about you bend over so I can swipe your fucking card?" Like what the fuck, do I look like some sort of stripper or prostitute? Cause I'm a gas jockey.

There is a fine line between joking and sexual harassment, and it isn't funny when it's crossed.

My life feels slightly disconnected, like I have all the pieces but at the moment they don't want to fit together.

The words are ringing in my head and had I known that things would be like this now I would never have listened to a single thing you said. Because I believed, I trusted each word you spoke so softly. But if you knew you had no intention of keeping your word then you should have stayed silent.

"'Genius is relative. That kid that got perfect grades and that kid who can make a bong out of an avocado both qualify."

Today I'm really feeling like doing all of the above options of screaming, crying and being alone. But I know I can let myself do that, not right now. It's just hard when you think things were falling into place and you find they are really falling apart.

It's feels like no matter how far I run, I'm getting no where. Every corner brings me right back to where I started. And it feels like no matter how hard I try and find, they will always find me. There is not a single shadow that can block my cowering form from their site. I think no matter how much I scream and call out, I'll never be heard. My voice is just lost n amongst the chaos surrounding me.

I just want to scream or shout or cry or something because I'm hurt, sad and mad and I'm even madder at myself for feeling this way! I'm mad at you too, you are part of the reason I feel this way and yet I don't want to feel it because I miss you. Yea, after all that I still miss you. After like a month of next to no contact it took a friend taking a trip to the hospital to get one freaking response from you. Gee thank you so, so much.

Sadly my lovely Keybo 2 died on me, so I had to get a new phone. And this is my lovely new phone, the iPhone 4, I call it Timothy. I think it suits my kute little Monster case. :3

Part of me really wants to tell you that you're being a huge dick. But then the other part, the winning half just wants to say that I miss you.

The snow could never be as cold as you are
With those icy eyes piercing through me
No, the winter couldn’t do this, only you
Because you are truly frozen, to the core
Nothing could melt the case around your heart

I don't think anyone can fully understand love, because when you think you do, love takes a turn and takes you on the ride of your life. But then sometimes that's just part of the fun so you hold on and hope you'll make it.

I’m going to sing each word as if my life depends on it,
And maybe it just might because this is my hearts song.
Each word is woven into the very fabric of my soul
And the lyrics make up each and every part of me
I’m the melody, sometimes soft and sweet
I am also the harmony harsh and hypnotic

I see the scars like words, decorative, fine lines etched into your skin
And I know your story isn’t over but where does it begin?

A thousand thoughts run through my head
I remember all the words you said
As I lie here alone in this bed

I still can’t accept that you’re gone
I’m listening to our old song
And remember the times we’d both sing along

I hope you remember it all too
And please don’t forget that I love you
Maybe that will always be the truth

So I keep looking at this picture and thinking I miss you guys. Yea every girl needs her best friends and you two are definitely mine. It doesn't matter that we haven't known each other since we were little because I hope we'll know each other the rest of out lives. Lacey, Peter I really do love you guys. Every memory we share is absolutely amazing. And every time I see your smiles I feel amazing. Please do me a favor and never, ever stop being the amazing people you are because you make the world a better place just by being you. Yes, I realize you guys may not be perfect, but you are perfect to me.

Haha I couldn't resist, I had to post more pictures of my lovely Tan Tien. I seriously love it. Last night I managed to ride the couple blocks to my Auntie's and back with out falling, so I feel really accomplished. I just want to learn how to carve better and how to ride switch.

"In the faint light she looked half-transparent, bleached of color, wrapped in white like an angel. It would be a pleasure to make her fall..."

-City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

'Keep me safe', she whispered softly
'Hold me close and please don't drop me'

So I suppose it's time I reveal my goal for now: Longboarding. Haha maybe a few people know. But yea I want to be able to board bombing down hills, sliding and other tricks and just a faster, cheaper and more healthy means of transportation. And this is my board, the Loaded Tan Tien. I love it. To ride feels so free, and just amazing.

She may be lost, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be found.

So I saw you yesterday, on day 30 of not really seeing you. I guess it's summer so it's not a big deal. Although I was a little hurt. Maybe the time had a bit to do with it but it was mostly your actions. I don't think you would have even noticed me had I not spoken out in such obvious shock about seeing you. What hurt more was your very flimsy reasoning when I asked if you were ever free and told you to text sometime instead of being such a stranger. Maybe it's just me and maybe it'll all blow over. But I am scared, I don't want to lose such a great friend.

Calm, cool and collected, maybe on the surface but it's more like out of control, outrageous and out spoken.

When you're drinking good quotes happen: "Same fuck, different bed."

Right now I feel lost among the days. 29 days since I last saw you, and I miss you. 18 days I've worked and missed out on so much so far this summer. 7 days since my phone filled with all the messages that made me smile decided to die. And even the days stretch ahead. 4 days until my goal is a beginning reality. 9 days until I take on house sitting on top of my job. 14 days until I can think about getting away from this town. And finally about 33 days until Summer will become a distant memory.

"You can't lose a girl you misplaced years before. Stop looking, stop looking..."

-Forever by Maggie Stiefvater

Sometimes we have to think on the bright side, what are some things you love? It can be anything to simple moments to a huge part of your life. This is my list:

I love the soft stillness in the air when walking in the woods in Autumn.
I love the way my best guy friend Peter grins when he is obviously up to something.
I love the way my bunny hops up to give "kisses" when you open the top of her cage.
I love the comforting smell of rain in the air when you're caught outside.
I love how right and yet suspended I feel when I'm walking home at night and I can see the stars shining above me.
I love how gentle and quiet Peter is when he lays there gently tracing my lips and other features with a careful artful finger, his eyes deep in thought and soft as ever.
I love falling asleep to a thunderstorm outside, it's just calming in a wild way.
I love waking up to still silence, with a text message waiting for me from someone I care about.
I love watching the landscape slide by when I'm in the vehicle on a long drive.
I love the safe and secure and right feeling I get cuddled up to someone I love.
I love the freeing rush you get when going on fast rides at a carnival.
I love how time seems to still when I curl up and get absorbed in a book.
I love the secrets that old books seem to hold when you open them.
I love the smell of the smoke and the crackle of the fire when you're huddled around it.
I love walking around the town with friends late at night, it's so still and almost ghostly.
I love laughing until I snort when my best friend tickles me, even when I tell him to stop and pretend it's mean.
I love the way the sun sets in the summer, painting the sky an array of beautiful colors.
I love walking the trails out by the lake, even when Lace and Jazz run ahead and hide from Peter and I because we are apparently less out doorsy.
I love the pointless snow ball fights me and my friends start and end only when we're laughing too hard to throw anymore.
I love going to new places and experiencing things there.
I love when I stumble across old pictures of my friends and I or notes and drawings we've exchanged, it brings memories that were just out of grasp back to the surface.
I love sitting there and talking in circles with friends on a lazy afternoon when we have nothing better to do. We come up with the most outrageous scenarios and pointless games so it is always worthwhile.
I love the inside jokes I share with my friends, they confuse the hell out of everyone else but never fail to make us laugh all over again and enable us to add more.
I love going to the lake or the river with friends and slowly wading in, screaming playfully about how cold it is.
I love having my hair just gently played with, it's so calming and just over all nice.

Does this friendship mean a thing to you? Or was it all pretty little lies?

I have a million things I wish I could say, but not a single word I can think of seems right for what you need to hear.

Death s inevitable and yet I fear not. I have lived all my life just a breathe away from his cold grasp. But each time he knocks upon my door, I am not home to welcome him, so come another time he must.

"Even in the dark, Love was easy, When we didn't make it so hard"

Last night I laid there and couldn't get you off my mind no matter how hard I tried. You know what I remembered? You lying next to me and tracing my eyes and lips with gentle fingers, so care free and artistically. And I remember the soft look in your eyes watching as you did so. I still wonder what you were thinking?

When I say life is full of surprises, I mean you never know how the dice will be rolled. One minute someone may seem like your very worst enemy, and yet, when you need someone to say something to cheer you up and to talk to, they are the one that is there. And then on the other hand the person you thought you could've trusted for years will turn out to be the worst thing for you.

You make me feel things so magical I never want to forget it. I want to take these feelings,and these emotions and bottle them all up so I can save them. That was I won't ever forget this, or you.

I'm hard to handle but if you can't handle me then you sure don't deserve me.

Life is changing fast, I look back and over the last month or so I have grown so much. I'm not the girl I was when some of you used to know me. I fell out with friends and found real ones. I decided I needed to think of me a little more than just putting everyone and everything else first. And I guess I fell into some things I never thought I would. But overall it's all part of living and the experience. It also leaves me with questions and I think I will have to find myself all the answers because there really isn't anyone else out there who could help me.

I'm so hurt, mad and just overall I miss you. But you know what? I think I'm going to stay away a while and see how things go once August hits. My anger towards your actions or rather lack there of may just give me more determination.

Irony must be a whore because she just blew my mind.

Don't just dream big, live big too.

Did we lose ourselves somewhere along the way? Or did we just lose site of one another?

Is it so bad to want a little encouragement once in a while?

Don't like gay marriages? Don't get one. Don't like cigarettes? Don't smoke them. Don't like abortions? Don't get one. Don't like sex? Don't have it. Don't like drugs? Don't do them.. Don't like porn? Don't watch it. Don't like alcohol? Don't drink it. Don't like guns? Don't buy one. Don't like your options taken away? Don't take away someone else's!

Saw this quote on Silverfish, honestly it inspires me and encourages me to keep going. Love it.

"If you love to ride, then your a longboarder. Skill doesnt matter and in the end, how nice your set up is doesnt even matter. If your a guy or girl with a longboard, that just enjoys it, then your a longboarder."

Wherever I fall, I'll still be the same me.

Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs until I lose my voice completely. Then maybe you would finally hear me.

Does there really have to be a type for everything? Not everyone has to be classes. Expect what should be unexpected. Because when you looked at me and said you thought I'd never be the type you were wrong. But don't label me now.

You get my higher than any drug ever could.

Just over two years ago, I fist met you. I thought you were completely adorable and you made me smile over such a simple thing. Just over a year ago, I walk into a class and you're there. I thought that you were gorgeous. Yea I can't deny I had it bad, and well maybe I still do. But back then I thought knowing you would just be impossible because we were from different groups, so you were just a distant thought. These days I see you every few days and talk even more. Now I'm just afraid to get too close in case you disappear.

Never forget reality with the person you love is better than dreams, because one day you could wake up to find you've lost the moon, while you were busy counting stars.

I honestly don't care if I live up to your standards or anyone's for that matter, as long as I live up to my own.

History was changed the day we met, at least for you and me.

Whether I fail or achieve something, I believe that I took the risks and I lived my life.

Don't say it unless you mean it. And if you mean it, get ready to prove it.

A lesson all men should know: Having a dick makes you a male, it doesn't make you a Man.

This is the honest to god truth, seriously I'll chill instead of take the chance of freezing my butt off.

Feelings may change, but remember the memories never do.

There are some days that make me wonder if our worlds are too far apart for friendship, let alone anything else.

Darling I can't write you a love song, because it's already been done. Our love is the song and our life together is the words, the rest is all just background music.

Started learning the basics of skateboarding and longboarding today. i did pretty good except my one wipe out, that ended in me laughing uncontrollably over my own fail. Now I have a huge bruise and some road rash, it's sweet though, means I'm getting somewhere with this. It makes my goal a bit more real.

I saw the sunset with you and I hope we'll see the sunrise together.

And here I though fantasy was better than reality, that was until I met you.

You're the glue that holds me together.

It's funny how you're not even here and yet you've still managed to paint a smile on my face and compose laughter on my lips.

Oh the amusing conversations I have over texts with McWeiner.

Peter: Sup Rhi

Me: Just chilling out with a movie, you?

Peter: Sweet, which movie? And I'm just chillin watching wheel of fortune haha

Me: Lolz interesting choice. I'm watching Despicable Me.

Peter: Haha it's my gramma's choice. That's the cartoon that came out not too long ago right?

Me: Yea the one with the yellow dudes. How was your day?

Peter: Nice, and it was fun, me an my sister, grampa and uncle went for a bike/longboard ride around an island, it was pretty sweet. What was your day like?

Me: Lol sounds like lots of fun. I went to Red Deer again with Lacey and my cousin. Then we soaped the trampoline and put a sprinkler under it. :]

Peter: Noice, was Red durr as dead as yesterday? Haha, damn trampolines are dangerous enough without extra slippage.

Me: Yes very alive today. And you should know there is fun in danger. I survived with a scratch.

Peter: Ya well it coulda been worse...I watch funniest home videos, shits crazy.

Me: Paranoid? Lol jk. And the important thing is that I didn't have one of those AFV moments. :D

Peter: Hahaha luckyyyy, well I have balls to protect when I go on a tramp. And I've seen far too many poor bastards pinch em in a spring or whatnot.

Me: I'm sorry I just had a good laugh over that. But honestly if you don't dick around that shouldn't happen.

Peter: Well of course I'd dick around, that's what happens when you're a teenage boy with lots of raging hormones ha.

Me: Lol but if you dick around too much you get your balls stuck in a spring like other poor SOB's.

Peter: Exactly, that's why no dicking around will take place when balls are vulnerable to pinching metal coils. I'm too young to be known as Peter "sorry-sac" L****r.

Me: Hahaha I have no clue what to say to I'm laughing too hard. :D

Peter: Hahaha oh c'mon I could've come up with a better name than that, I just didn't wanna take all day lol.

Then a bit later....

Peter: So hows Despicable Me?

Me: It was pretty good. The yellow dudes are great. Hows Wheel of Fortune?

Peter: Sweet I thought about watching it but then I decided it would be lame ha, and wheel of fortune is over, now we're watching cops xD

Me: Its only lame if you can't laugh. And cops is always exciting!

Peter: Hey I know how to laugh, maybe that movie IS right for me. :P and hells yea, I'm getting all sweaty just watchin'.

Me: Lol possibly. And be excited from this side of the tv only, I don't want to turn on the tv one day and see you on cops. :p

Peter: HA, I was just thinking that... "What if my grampa saw me on cops one day" he'd probably laugh and call me a dumbass.

Me: Nice. Great thought process right there! Please don't bring it to life though.

Peter: Hahaha yea, and I'm pretty sure they they have to tell you if they're going to put it on tv, so I'd do a little acting while I'm at it :D "NAH, THAT'S NOT MY CRACK, I SWEAR I'M HOLDING IT FOR MY PET TIGER, THAT BITCH IS ADDICTED FO LIFE".

Me: Omg lol. XD

Peter: Haha or something to that degree.

Me: Well nothing like a bit of impromtu acting eh?

Peter: Haha caught off guard by police while possibly half cut? Honestly I think I'd just comply and not be a douche, in previous encounters that works best lol.

Me: Previous encounters? Oh do tell lol.

Strange isn't it? I don't miss my 'family' even though they'll be gone a month. But I miss you and you are gone for like a week.

What a moment...Driving with Lacey blasting S8r Boi by Avril Lavigne and we drive down Peter's street. Lacey just has to bring up how it'd be funny if "Dayton was on the corner". Sure enough we drive by and there is Dayton in the corner of the yard yelling, "Hi Lacey! Hi Rhianna!"

You always have a joke, and it always paints a smile on my lips. Darling, what would I ever do without you?

Life leaves us with questions so that we can find the answers through living.

Dream big, reach far, shine brightly, you're a star! Congratulations to all the 2011 graduates from WCHS! You've all made it through school and you'll be going onto living amazing lives in the real world! Remember this isn't the end but merely the beginning, you are opening a new chapter in you're lives, one that shall hold many surprises.

Oh fuck, I love you.

The veil of my fear is lifted once I'm in your arms.

If someone tells you what you want to hear, it is often easy to believe them.

Everyone has a weakness, and you just happen to be mine.

It's shocking how in such a short amount of time someone can go from being somewhat mysterious to you, to someone you are completely familiar with.

So I'm the cat and you're the dog, best friends instead of enemies.

You are NOT fat, you're just the right size. You are NOT ugly, you're as beautiful as an angel. You ARE funny. You ARE loving. You ARE smart. And you ARE amazing. If anybody tells you otherwise, quite frankly they don't deserve you, my Dear.

It's days like today that I sit and think to myself, how even if I've made mistakes along the way, I'm right where I belong.

Love does more than speak, it screams, it whispers...it moves. It is hypnotizing and it captures all your senses. Love takes a hold of your body, your mind and your soul. It is all consuming.

The night is filled with questions, to which the light has many answers.

Intense. That is the word that comes to mind when I think about you.

You're absolutely beautiful. This is the first thought that crosses my mind when you look at me.

Even if you try and keep me in the dark, I will find my way into the light.

Life is just too short to play by the rules, and wait for something amazing to happen. Be yourself, make things happen. Take a chance, make it risky. Wear something completely inappropriate for the wrong occasion just because you can. Scream at the tops of your lungs, for no apparent reason, because the world needs to hear you. Go ahead and drive fast, feel the rush of life before it passes you by. Roll around in a pile of autumn leaves and breathe the crisp air in deep, because it makes you feel alive. Fall out with friends, cry and fight because it's all part of life. Love those wrong for you but don't hold on because someone out there is right. Just enjoy it all.

Your eyes are liquid amber. They hypnotize me, and etch themselves into my memory. I can never quite read them, except the odd flicker that sparks on the surface of the waters. But I know that those eyes read almost everything, it's almost horrifying to think about everything you see. I think you see right through me, pierce my shields and go right to my core. Even when you're in that haze, you seem to know more than you let on. Your eyes are completely, addicting and it's beautiful.

I think I've finally found the right path to travel on.

It's all about living in the moment.

You make me feel alive.

The truth in your eyes counters the lies on your lips.

My silence will be the most deafening sound you have ever heard. And Darling, I assure you, you will miss every word.

Maybe we're all just wandering through life trying to feel something. Well, I sure felt something when I collided with you.

Fear nothing, for my love is never a lie.

Who said life needed a plan? It just needs action.

Set my soul on fire,
And let it burn straight through me.

It's the simple things that always keep me going. Tonight was great. I almost thought Peter wasn't going to end up making it to the dance because of work. He did, and I'm so happy he made it. He also kept his word and slow danced with me. Simple as it is, it's something to remember. I love that kid, he is an amazing friend.

Maybe I lost you somewhere along the way. And maybe you will never be found again, but you are never forgotten. No, you I will always remember. You walked into my life and forever have left a mark on my soul.

Life is perfect, in the most beautiful imperfections.

I don't just want to stand up, I want to stand out.

Fate should never become something that prevents you from taking action. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen in your life, make it happen. If you wait you may lose your chance and you'll never know what tomorrow may bring.

Never be afraid to let someone or something change your life.

I fell into that black hole and I couldn't even follow the White Rabbit down.

I don't know when my world turned upside down, but I like the view from here.

It all came crashing down so that everything could fall into place.

We are stuck together in this crazy world but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Apart we are only lone pieces of the puzzle, but together we complete the picture.

Maybe I fell into you, but we both fell in love.

I look around at the friends I consider closest to me, and then back to the past. Honestly back then I never would've pictured myself friends with these people, let alone caring about them as much as I do. But I wouldn't give up any moment I share with them, because they are part of who I am.

Lets face it, the unexpected will always happen.

Never change who you are for someone else, because if they can't take you as you are, they obviously don't deserve you.

I feel completely irrelevant to you.

You showed me that love was real
Not just a dream in my head
You taught me how to feel
But I've learned that now it's dead.

It's such a strange feeling to find out that what you thought would be all wrong for you feels so right.

I guess you are sure in your words, just as much as I was sure of their truth. But in the end I guess all good liars spin webs in which to trap believers like me.

He was gasoline, and I was the spark, together we set the world on fire.

They all said don't play with fire because you'll only get burned, but I never listened. I thought I could get close to you and that the only spark we felt was love. I was wrong and you burned right through me, leaving ashes where my heart used to be.

I think it's time to take a chance, maybe you're the type who will take one with me?

Let love in, for hate only grows in the absence of love.

Negativity, you think it's my answer. No I just don't think you'd believe me trying to see the brighter side. I'm taking it in small steps but these days it's more than some of you have. Yes I can be negative, but not as much as you think. I mean when something I'm not exactly pleased about -like working long stretches- I sit and think to my self 'Hey, it seems bad now but think, you'll survive it and in the end you'll feel accomplished because you got through it.' It's a mantra that usually helps, at least with the small things.

Sometimes the guy you think is Mr. Wrong, turns out to be Mr. Right.

When I take the time to think about it I don't know why I trust you, but in the end the only conclusion is that it just feels right.

I hate your smile only because it takes the pain away. But only for a second..because it is then that I see you are smiling at her...

You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore. But please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to..it's just that everything I want to say, I can't tell you anymore

I might have fallen, but remember, you tripped me.

Honestly I think we could be good together.

Are you really so blind to my pain?

I now think I know what drowning feels like, and I didn't even need to be submerged in the dark depths of the ocean, or any water for that matter. I just had to be submerged in the pressure, the pressure of problems. And the person who pushed me the furthest under was the one I thought would take the time to throw me a life line and pull my into the safety of the shore. I feel as if I can never get it all off my chest, I with I could just push it all away, so that I could actually breath again.

Before she knew it she had fallen.

The people you least expect to be able to change you, will in fact change you more than you could ever know.

One moment can change you for a lifetime.

My heart's set for an overload
So won't you give me that love overdose?

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You will have your heart broken and you will break others' hearts. You will fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them. But no matter what happens always know that you are loved and will always be.

I thought I wanted nothing more than to leave,
Walk straight out that door never to turn back
Disappear and fade a away from every memory
But it turns out I just can't leave you behind

Your the ghost in my mind,
You haunt my memories
And echo in my every thought.

In the end it is only the journey that mattered, but still all I can think about is that it is in fact the end. And I would give anything to journey it all again.

Love is a battle in which we can never prepare for.
It is the war to which we have no arms to take up.

And I guess we lost it here, in amongst the crowds
We said forever but we couldn’t keep it around
At least not today, so goodbye to yesterday
Maybe we’ll meet again after our separate ways

'He walked up smiling that lovely smile, big brown puppy dog eyes twinkling and his arms outstretched inviting me into his warm embrace. Whenever I hear that song this image lights up my mind and I think my heart races to a stop all over again. I think I can even still hear him laughing and saying “This silly boy can always make you laugh, and we both know it”, I can even still feel the ghost of the innocent hands clasped together and the arms around me keeping me safe from the cold. It’s a memory now but it’s a part of me.'

It seems that at least once in everyone’s life they will experience that ever famous cliché, summer love. And as much as I may like to deny the fact, I am one of those people. There’s just something so magical about it, the way that the summer makes you feel lifetimes away from your actual life filled with the school year routines. The days and nights fade together in that endless string of memories filled with smiles and laced with laughter. And on top of it all there is that one person you spend every day beside. The one you look over from the passenger seat and smile at, because their presence makes it all worthwhile. It’s the one summer you wish you could put the world on hold for, just to spend your life living in this alter universe. But you have to come back to the ground sometime and the summer must come to a close. That’s why the song Summertime by Mae is a keeper on my soundtrack, it always brings me back to sunny days laughing and the chilly nights cuddled up to that silly boy.

And I'll still be by your side, half past forever...

When I dream it`s so far from reality, I sometimes wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, at least not until reality has something worthwhile.

You all pull down your sleeves
Thinking you can hide the scars on your arms
She just looked at you with a sad smile
No one would think to check for scars on her heart.

I am a dreamer, therefore I write. Each word I put down brings clarity to my mind, when the thoughts blur the lines of reality.

Life isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about playing the game, the memories you make and what you learn from it.

Sometimes I think I speak louder on paper than I can with my voice. Even if I shout, the words I need to say never reach their ears. I’m mute to them. I wonder if they could read this if they could hear my voice for once.

Oh Dear, have we struck a nerve here?

I want to dance with the stars
Suspended in eternity

Last night we were having fun talking and then we brought up a serious question for at the end of our videos. Who is your hero? You all answered then looked at me, I laughed is off and said Andy Six...I guess you knew I was joking and persisted. I couldn't tell you, I was scared to say that he was still my hero. Because he saved me when you couldn't see.

Sing my heart out.

I'll be with you tonight,
Even if it's only in my dreams...

Love is a drug so addicting you'd do it over and over again, for that high, for that one person. You want it, you crave it, you need it...

Life is a puzzle that we cannot start with all the pieces, we must find them along the way. And it won't be easy, the pieces won't always fit quite right, and we need help sometimes. But it's worth all the effort because the final picture is absolutely beautiful in the end.

Don't feel like your nothing,
To someone your something.
Don't feel worthless,
Cause to that somebody you're priceless.

Open your eyes dear,
For you have nothing to fear
I’ll keep you safe here

Do not look out with searching eyes
Unless you want to see what lies
Beneath the surface there are secrets
And there is no time for regrets

She wanted nothing more but to spread her wings and fly
Instead she only fell, in love with a boy.

Make me feel like I can’t breathe, sweep me off my feet
Darling one kiss could be the death of me

It's funny how much one year can change a person and the life they live.

Hey Prince Charming, I can save myself
So go ride off into your own sunset.

She's the girl with the world on her shoulders, and she'd give anything to have someone help her balance it all.

She was a hurricane,
A beautiful disaster.

I feel as if I've just leaped off a cliff
Straight for the darkest depths of oblivion

And sometimes having no control is the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience even though it's completely crazy and down right dangerous...

These scars are a reminder of the pain.
Everything you put me through.
Just little signs of the hate
Blood flowing out and you knew

...You hurt me so much
You didn't care
All the tears I shed
And you weren't there

Just little reminders
That you never loved me

I’ll say all the right words in all the right places
As long as it puts a smile on both your faces
And you’ll never know that I’m dying inside
Because half the words were a bold faced lie
I thought that I could make it all right
And that maybe I wouldn’t be up all night
Guess I was wrong and I still care
I’m still not the right girl, as long as she is there

You may not be the king
And I may not be the maid
But darling, I am the queen
So off with the heads
Of everyone who let me down
Cause it was just too much
And words weren't enough
I rule this place,
Now wipe that look of your face
And hold that filthy tongue
Treason is a crime
And for it you shall be hung

Kiss her eyes, and lay her to sleep
Pray to the lost her soul to keep

You'll hear it either way
So listen up
Cause honey I will get through
I'll shout it out loud,
Scream it at the top of my lungs
Or I'll say it soft and sweet,
Whisper it in melody
Cause baby you should know,
I love you...

<3

I said I'd never let you go and I never did. I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it. If you didn't have a chance, then I never did. You'll always find me right here, have faith in me.

Maybe I read too much and dream far more but maybe that's because I'm waiting for my fairytale to come true.

What a load of BS. I got told that if I don't take the blue out of my hair I will be fired.

Oh if only you knew? How your precious girl, she said such cruel things that stabbed not only me but you as well straight through the back. How she said I was a whore? That's I had slept with you and that you yourself had cheated on her with me? I bet you never heard one word of that. She twisted that web of lies far from the sight of your eyes, and far from ear shot. Funny isn't it? How we never kissed, it was but innocent things way back, things that promised we had something. Sad isn't it? How I was scared silly to say something and pursue it, how you didn't notice or were in denial ignoring it. Did you know? She's more than likely using you? That I...well I love you. Yea I'm sure you didn't know that either.

Do you want to know what my problem is? I will tell you what my problem is…
I love you. I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your
gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I
love the sound of your laugh, I love the way you get mad, I love the
way I don't understand you at all. I love the way I can be having the
worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I
love how when you touch me I get weak. And I love how you make me feel safe.
That's my problem...

If you love someone let them go? If they love you they come back? Well what if the waiting hurts, how long shall you wait? And if the outcome isn't what you expect how are you to take it? Sometimes I guess I'll never know and I'll be left her wondering, waiting forever.

Who is the real me?

Curiosity killed the cat, but sometimes I think the cat had the right idea. Because whatever curiosity let the cat find out may have been worth dying for.

There is beauty in the broken. Just look at stained glass windows, made up of the pieces of broken glass that someone took the time to fit back together making them a masterpiece.

Some say that time heals all things, but in truth it only heals the wounds, but the scars remain. They are the reminders you survived but sometimes you can still feel that pain.

I though it was good, and it was...Too good to be true.

How can I be so close and yet feel so far away?

I have the memories, do you?

I wish I had the courage to say it all, every word I should have said. But would you even listen?

It`s as if time is suspended and I`m standing still, afraid to let go of the hour glass....

Stab me through the heart, tear it all apart.
I don't see, how you could do any worse to me.
Cause you left me heart broken, on these tears I'm choking.
Even when you promised me it'd last, but gave up all too fast.