Please let me forget,
Let each memory go.
There is a reason'
That I cannot know.

I love you more than I did the day before,
And tomorrow I shall love you even more.

'The worst thing about being lied to, is knowing you weren't worth the truth...'

I'm laying here alone in the dark,
Trying to find a way to mend a broken heart.

Where do you go when your all alone? Where do you hide, when it all falls apart? Because I have no clue, and no one's here anymore.

"When I say the weather outside is frightening, I mean it`s raining ghosts!"

Why can't you be here now? I'm terrified, oh so freaking scared. It's the cold grip of fear locked tightly around me and I'm all alone. Why can't you come chase away my demons? Because I need you now, I need you to do what ever it is that you do to calm me down. I need you to come make me feel safe. I need my hero, I need you....You saved me, from everything including myself. And I could really use a rescue right now. I want to start breathing, and living. I'm back to square one, I can't help her, can't save her, and in turn can't do the same for me. Please....please notice soon.

The color has gone, it's all black and white. I'm alone in the dark and I can no longer see the light.

If love is a crime,
You be the murderer;
And I'll be the victim.

I am not an object or a possession and I certainly don't belong to anybody. I am my own person, so don't act like you own me or tell me what I can and cannot do.

She was a dreamer baby, so naive
Went through every day
With her heart on her sleeve

He was a fighter baby, liked it rough
Put on the tough act
Until he fell in love

Is this another dream?
Cause nothing is what it seems.
No one's who their supposed to be,
And you can't even see me.

Sing it to me soft, sing it to me slow
If this is a dream...
Please, don't let me go.

I look into that mirror trying to see,
Where's that girl, the real me?
Maybe she's gone fare from here,
But honestly, I need her near...

The other night Miranda told me she was cutting again, my heart stopped. Last time was bad enough even if it was so little and she stopped when I told her I wasn't mad but disappointed. This time she was scared to tell me but I said I wouldn't be mad. She was scared and said she was sorry if I thought it was some attention thing, but I really don't I told her that. I told her it'd be ok and that she was going to get better, that I would be there for her every step of the way. But I'm scared, what if she finds something else, I can only do so much. Today she gave me a bag filled with pins, needles, safety pins and any other sharp thing she thought she'd cut or has cut herself with. I said I'd be taking anything else she tried to use. And then I asked where she did it, she hadn't a single mark on her wrists. She then pointed to her chest, hips, legs, sides, and stomach.

I want to be that girl you thought about,
The one with that genuine smile
But I'm afraid it won't show,
Only every once in a while

That day I thought it was perfect, I gave you my heart
But that was before the day, you tore it all apart
I should have saw it coming, read each and every sign
It was never real, and you were never even mine

I give thee my heart and soul for all eternity.

I thought it was to be the first,
You said it was but the last.

It is through your eyes that I can see your very soul, for they are the windows that lead straight to your very being.

"I only sleep with people I love, which is why I have insomnia..."

-Emilie Autumn

The newest addition to my family, Little Miss Velveteen, Wabbit. She is the sweetest thing, a Velveteen Mini Rex bunny. And my dearest friend.

‎"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

- James Baldwin

I was to be granted just one wish
I thought I wanted...
A little more night
Or perhaps a little more rain
But truly all I really needed was,
A little more you.

"A portrait is a terribly false thing, for what shows in a portrait is nothing more than the mask of everything the subject would like the viewer to believe he is."

-Emilie Autumn

Look into my eyes;
Tell me your alive.
Look into my eyes;
Can you hear me, now.

Metaphors, the comparison of two things unalike. Well yesterday Miranda made a metaphor in English class. She said "My best friend is a Panda". Well that got the class laughing and the teacher who had to ask why. Miranda then stated that black and white aka light and dark suited me, and that panda's were the least racist animal, and that I was cuddly like a panda. The teacher then had to ask who her best friend was. And Miranda simply said "Rhianna". I thought it was adorable, because Panda's are in fact my favorite animal.

When you said those words,
My heart stopped
But when all that was left
Was those words hanging in the air
You broke it.

It's baby steps in which I come to accept myself, to stop hating the way I look, and the way I am. But it's moments like these sometimes that hasten the pace of these baby steps...Like the day I went to work and I know very well that I did not happen to look my best, I had make up from the previous night that I had just lightly but not completely washes off, and I had ran a brush through my hair doing nothing more, and I threw on my work clothes. But I was called pretty. A regular customer had her kids and before leaving she said "My kids think your very pretty". Yes it's one simple thing but it made me feel a lot better.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Let's lie beneath the stars listening to the soundtrack of our hearts.

I hope your dreams take you...
To the corners of your smiles,
To the highest of your hopes,
To the windows of your opportunities,
And to the most special places,
Your heart has ever known.

It feels like ice is in my veins, and I wonder if I've ever been so afraid.

It's hard to learn that one day could change everything. I mean I cam home from work last Thursday and there was Grampa getting drunk. I thought nothing of it, and helped they hysterical step Grandmother take care of my extremely drunk Grampa. i even went and cleaned up all the mess outside after everyone had left. It was terrifying to see my Grampa that drunk though. And the next morning I got to find out why, he lost his job. I'm scared. I don't want to have to leave this place because we run out of money. I sit here now in my room and think about how I took everything for granted, but I'm still mad. Everything around me no matter how familiar it should be is unfamiliar and it's like I don't belong. And the worst part besides not knowing what's going to happen is the fact that I want Cory..and I don't really know why..

Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a beast. Jasmine married a thief. Ariel walked on land for love. Snow White barely escaped a knife. It was all about blood and tears, because love, means facing your biggest fears.

Did you ever love me? Did you ever care? Did you ever see me? Was I even there?

Some promises are just sugar coated lies.

To her it's more than can be seen, it's the simple things.

And like the sand in the hour glass, all those precious moments slipped away.

Aww when guys say stuff like this it just makes my heart beat a little bit faster.
"I can make youu feel like the only girl in the world, but honey you gotta make me feel like the only man..."

Dear Self;
You know you need to take the time to take it easy and just not think about things sometimes. You have to remember that you did what you could and some things couldn't be chance, nor could they be helped. Try and remember that life will still offer opportunities but you will have to take them. Sometimes it can all start with just that one small step, so don't hesitate or it could be too late and you could miss the chance. Only look back to remind yourself that it happened and you made it through, don't spend time regretting what you could have done when you were there. Think about what you can do now that you are here. Never be afraid to make mistakes cause like everyone else your aren't perfect and that is okay. Keep on moving forward when others reach out to pull you back. If they wish to drag themselves down, you may lend a hand but keep yourself resting in those stars. There is so much ahead of you that you have yet to discover, life has surprises and hardships but each will let you learn new things. So keep open eyes and an open mind. Share with others but not too much. Take the time to listen and enjoy....

I know that these memories are the gift life has given me so I'll never for forget it all happened. But sometimes I wish I could give them back so I don't have to remember with them the fact that your gone and it's no longer what it was then.

Love's a slow suicide, one I'd commit for you.

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm ok, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me and I can't seem to sleep
It's not just your alone with me, it's just you'll never leave
I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
You said this is suicide, I say this is a war .

In your heart I'll outlive myself.

It's called the boy disease;
When it strikes, no girl knows.
It hits and it hits her hard,
Sweeps her right off her feet.
It flows right through her veins
It's course is straight to the heart

Weird much? Ok so while hunting on World of Warcraft, 2 Horde who could have easily killed me walked up, and ran circles around me. One poked me, saying hi and the other mooed at me. Never have I had that happen before.

Part of me just wants to stand right up and tell Cory exactly how I feel. That I fell head over heels, only for him to hurt me. And that I'm sorry my friendship just doesn't seem to be worth it, when all I did was try and be there for him. Most of all I want to tell him that the worst part is no matter how horrid I may feel, I miss his smile, I miss his hugs, I miss the fun...I just miss Him.

Too say nothing at all would be worse than saying too much.

Hair of fire baby~! Yea I am gonna go red~! Time to change up my hair a bit more than usual, so I'm retiring the black and decided I will be come a red head. Should be freaking ah-mazing.

"To the moss we topple backward, falling gently, head over heels. Mayhap to land so safely on such softness, is the way love truly feels..."

Whether it was night or day,
Honestly I couldn't quite say.
But those simple things I remember;
And I will now unto forever.
There was just you and me,
Together we were truly meant to be.
Your fingertips traced across my skin
Leaving unspoken love letters and sin
Your lips they brushed against mine
Each butterfly kiss now lost in time.

My secret is fatally gorgeous.

If this is my last truth, I must say I love you...

And the house is mine~! Grampa and Fe left for like three weeks. The kicker...I started cleaning my room after they left. And yet when they were here nagging me about it I just left it. But I feel like I've matured a bit by finally cleaning it. I changed stuff on the wall, fixed the obsessive sticky tac and organized a lot. All I have left is to sort through some clothes and do a few last minute touches.

Even though I seriously wanted to go to Freshman this year, and couldn't find a ride...I still had fun. Especially when I kicked my empty Vitamin water bottle and it totally flew in the wrong direction, flying towards some random kids. I swear if I'd kicked it a bit harder it would've hit the one kid in the head. LOL

‎"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

He put the stars in the night sky
Wiped every tear from my eye
And I think that maybe I...
Will love him until I die.

Darling you can hide behind that mask,
But never forget it's made of glass
And just as fragile as your heart...
Sweetie she'll tear your charade apart.

Can't wait for Halloween, going to love my costume~! I'm going to be a Nurse to an insane patient aka Miranda who is actually wearing a straight jacket. I'm going to be covered in blood too and have awesome giant syringes. Then I finally found out what little miss bitch face is being, a "fallen" angel...then she gets on everyone's case about originality. Funny how she's the original cunt who took all my ideas and my friends.

You can sugar coat it all you want but it'll still hurt.

You fall too hard, you fall to fast
All silly relationships that never last.

You could give me a million reasons to stay away and still I'd be there by your side.

And we can all feel like we're drowning without the water.

And I will never be you're lover again
As far as I’m concerned, we are not even friends
This may not seem to subtle to you
The point I'm trying to make is we are completely through

I'll bleed my heart out on this paper for you. So you can see what I can't say. ♥

"See me here in the air
Not holding on to anywhere
But holding on so beware
I have secrets I won't share

See me here pushing you
If I then deny I do
Contemplate or wish away
If I ask you not to stay"

It's times like these I wish I could just lay there beside you and forget for a while. Just cuddle up and and lose myself in your warmth. Let the rest of the world fade into the background.

And when it all fades out, your the clarity in my mind.

"It's like he doesn't hear a word I say, so how do I know if I'm on his mind? He makes me wanna pull all my hair out, like he doesn't even care..YOU,ME we're face to face but we don't see eye to eye. Like fire and rain, you can drive me insane, but I can't stay mad at you for anything. We're Venus and Mars, we're like different stars; but your the harmony to every song I sing, and I wouldn't change a thing."

My mind is a battlefield .

Me without you? That's like night without day, completely impossible.

This is heart break,
Did you see it shatter?
I told you it was fragile
Guess it didn't matter.

They call it substance abuse
Always made worse with misuse
Maybe if I take enough
This wouldn't seem so rough
And would temporarily erase
My memories of you, this place
Is this me escape in a pill,
Or something that could kill?

She didn't want to walk away, but you let her go.

Honey, loves a real killer.

Hahaha hello there my rebel angel side. Yesterday I walked out of my last class. Well the teacher sucks anyway, but Zac was just as bored as me and proposed the idea of walking out. I wanted to but the teacher hated me from last year and I was convinced she'd catch me. To prove a point Zac just up and walked out with the teacher like right in front of us, and the idiot never noticed. He made it to his locker, grabbed his stuff, and came back for me. Took a few minutes to convince me and then I grabbed my stuff and walked out with him. We like ran down the hall and upstairs to my locker. Holstrum didn't notice and first and probably never would have if Tarren would have kept his mouth shut. He hollered at me and the teacher tried to come after us and stop us but it was to late and we were probably upstairs.

Someone's a few Crayolas short of a full pack! What are you coloring with?

Wow blow my mind much...in band class yesterday Zac asked me about Cory and if we still hung out. I told him we kinda talked but didn't really hang cause he was with Heather. And then he understood why I was upset an hated Heather. He then said I was prettier than her. I denied it and said no I wasn't that Heather, was prettier, skinnier and smarter. Zac then said that no from a guys perspective I was more beautiful and any guy should see it.

How completely poetically romantic. I cannot believe Jean-Paul said this to me...
"And my love for you burns brighter than the Billions of tiny white points of light that decorate the Night-sky"

Why not look me in the eyes, if your going to tell these lies?
Cause you might as well see what your doing to me...

‎"Before the worst, before we met, before our hearts decide it's time to love again. Before too late, before too long...let's try to take it back before it all went wrong."

Oh you don't care? Well I hope you choke and die, sound fair?

You told me once that our fates were entwined, like your hand in mine.

I was always used to being all alone,
Living in a house I couldn't call home.

Watch out for my Umbrella, bitch.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

- Kevin Arnold

Here's my heart, lock and key. I love you, so please don't hurt me.

I'm that broken toy in the corner, that doesn't work quite right. The one the child broke without meaning to. The toy left to sit on the shelf watching, but never noticed. Secretly knowing I'll never be fixed.

Even with someone perfect it will hurt. Love is a bittersweet ache. A song, sung between two hearts, needing the beat of each other. It's finding warmth in another when your heart is frozen in your own chest. The dream we all seek.

Danny is a sweetie.
"I wish I could guard the pieces, until someone could put them back together.I don't want them broken anymore."

Hello Misery, I knew you were there.
Just behind that door.
Couldn't knock could you?
Always hiding, always waiting.
Your there in the shadows,
Beyond where I can see.
It's the endless game,
Of hide and seek.

Your that ghost in my mind.
A silent memory lost in time.

Your eyes, the dissect me. Come on baby, infect me.

And your as fake as those nails your always afraid to break.

Yea that's me, I'm Super Girl.
Are you ready? Cause I'll rock your world.

And it's the end of life as we know it. Ok so just my life....Heather and Cory are an item, as much as I wish it weren't so. Come on fire burn it to the ground.

I guess I couldn't be strong enough and you couldn't hold on it was just too tough. So lets whisper our sweet goodbye and cross our fingers for a better time.

Let's paint a picture using only words, that we can see only with our hearts.

I'll kiss the stars in hopes all our wishes will come true.

"I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more."
- C.S. Lewis

It's been said that you only truly fall in love once, but I don't believe that. For every time I see you, I fall in love all over again.

Haha good times! I went to Red Deer with my amazing sister Dusty today, and we went to this Liquidation thing and found swords. Of course technically I wasn't allowed to buy them cause I'm under 18, so Dusty covered that. We had a blast going around the aisles and ended up spending over an hour there. When paying at the counter the one guy asked if I was her sister, Dusty replied that yes I was her little sister. The guy said that I was pretty kute, turning to me to introduce himself. I was shocked. He followed us out and asked where we lived. Dusty explained we lived near Rocky, but outside of town near Cow Lake, since he Mom has practically adopted me. And then he turned to me and asked if he could have my number. I said I didn't think my Mom would like it, and then he asked again saying as just friends. I had to turn him down. I still can't believe it I've never had something like that happen to me. He was actually kind of kute, but yea..not really interested. I had a good time all day until I say Heathers sickening status on FB ":: Your on my mind morning, day + night. ♥ C.D.A"...I mean gag me with a fork...

Wow...that cheered me up a lot. Last night as soon as I hung up my cell I got a text from Cory which is becoming a rarity. He asked what I was up to and I said nothing asking him back. He said "Just thinking about kidnapping you." Uhm wow lol, so I asked why, apparently Lizzi was in Rocky and wanted to see me. So we ended up hanging out. We were going to go out for a swim and went out to an area Cory knew of. We though Lizzi was crazy for wanting to try and drive her little car into the bush and she bottomed out a few times. When we came across a huge puddle she gave up and we all got into Cory's truck pretty much 4X4ing it. We came out on rocks and drove up to the river. We took one look and decided it looked like the water was flowing too fast and was too cold so we needed a new plan. Lizzi wanted to go out to where her horse was and we did, and she started hearing rattling in her car. So we stopped added some oil and went to limp it back to Cory's once there the car seemed fine so we just stayed out there talking. I stole Cory's hat and managed to fend him off quite well, then I tossed it to Lizzi who got worried and threw it back to the silly boy. After we parted ways and Cory was taking me home we were joking about how he read me so well, then I said he'd never called me on things (like me liking him...). He just smiled shyly and said he was going to but was afraid to in case he was wrong and would feel like an idiot. I never thought about it like that so I told him it was hard for me to finally come out and tell him like I did. Miranda keeps saying he might be hinting on his feeling but I don't know...maybe I never will. But I still am head over heels for him.

And I still get those same butterflies, after we talk.
And after I reread everything you wrote...

So even though I'm now the second choice and it hurts I want to stay on solid ground so I think I know what to do....I hope. And I'm going to try my hardest. I'm going to act like I don't give a damn, have fun if I can...unless Heather has Cory on a short leash. I refuse to abandon him so I'll be there for him if and when she leaves, but I refuse to be the rebound. If it ever comes up I'll say it all up front, it's all or nothing with us, I'm not the rebound, and I can't just be there because he can't have his first choice.

I'm a broken record with one track, that someone left on an endless loop.

I really could use a good cry right now.

Put your money where your mouth is or just shut up.

One of the hardest choices one could ever make it hurt the one they love or be hurt by that loved one.

Your were the only exception, but now I think your becoming the rule. Though I guess you wouldn't know that...

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may never forget you. Love me, and I may be forced to love you."

"Anyone can close there eyes to the things they don't want to see. But no one can close their heart to the things they don't want to feel."

Happiness doesn't mean everything in life is perfect, but rather the ability to look past life's imperfections.

He can mend my heart fast, but he can break it faster.

Well I guess all good things come to an end, or maybe I'm over thinking it and drawing the conclusions again.Well Cory said he and Heather are really good friends again. I'm happy their friends but then he said he still really liked her. That's what worries me.

And I think I've finally discovered that sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world...

For those who don't like me, it just goes mind over matter. I don't mind and you really don't matter.

Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free....
Will never fly away.


-by Dick Sutphen

So I hung out with Cory again, he picked me up from work and we headed to Cow Lake. It was busy so I mentioned that Debbie had mentioned if we wanted we could visit her at South Fork since she was camping there. We decided to head out there, hoping Cory remembered the way. Debbie laughed and welcomed us when we arrived. And we'd barely gotten there when everyone decided they needed stuff from town like, cigarettes, more alcohol and stuff. So Deb volunteered to go get it, and Cory and I went for the drive along with her son Randy. We had fun blaring tunes and joking. Just for kicks on the way back Debbie decided to check out prices of liquor at the Cow Lake Store, it was considerably more expensive. Then we started looking at fireworks deciding to buy even more. We left adding Big Bertha and some others to the already huge pile of fireworks in Debbie's Jeep. Cory decided we would go back out to see the fireworks after supper. And Debbie invited us to stay if we wanted and said she'd set up a tent. We went back into town and in the end just ended up sitting on the couch at my house. Cory ended up kind of cuddling up to me again. Then we decided we'd better get going to see the fireworks. We got to the back door and then i jokingly grabbed his hat putting it behind my back. He just grinned, and stepped forward, so I started walking back. He closed the space between us, wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close for a hug and stealing his hat back. Only to place the hat on my head, saying this was a funner way to get it back. Then we turned to walk out and he kept his arm around me. In the end it was too stormy and wet to stay out at South Fork and we couldn't do the fireworks but oh well.

And if they said the only place I could ever see you was in my dreams...I would sleep forever.

"Cause I know something the prince never knew, that all too soon the clock will stike midnight...and she'll be gone."

Where's my Prince Charming, you may ask?
Well mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I would take ever star from the night sky
For keeps, they'd be yours and mine.
Collect the starfish from the ocean floor
Because together we need nothing more.

Do you remember when, I told you this that night,
That if you're by my side, when everyday begins
I'll fall for you again.
...I made a promise when
I told you this that night...

Ok so it's taken me a while to be able to actually write this here because I've been on cloud freaking nine since then. Well I did end up going to Westerner Days in Red Deer with Cory and it was fun even though we didn't go to the Marianas Trench concert and there were a few unhappy events. I was so nervous when I left my house and honestly I'm amazed Grampa let me go. The drive was fun and filled with random conversation and jamming out to music. We got to the grounds as soon as it opened and there were already obsessive teen girls camping out by the doors of where the concert was to be held. We wandered around a bit and got out wristbands. After going on Zero Gravity we found this weird thing that two people can go and and you get spun around in so many different directions like there's no gravity at all. It looked kool so we decided to try it, TL and Lawson went on together and I went on with Cory, he wouldn't let me pay for myself either...silly boy. Then we wandered around a bit more and decided to look at some animals. Cory just laughed when I was excited about the baby pigs and how they snorted when I petted them. We also walked through this market thing, kind of like a Trade show only a few more western things. After a bit we went back out and everyone wanted to play games, well at least Lizzi and TL did. Cory decided to try once at this shooting game. Among all the prizes there was this HUGE unicorn that Lizzi fell in love with and had to have. So they stayed there playing and spending loads of money until finally the carny decided they'd played enough to win it. Lawson took it back to the car and disappeared for quite a while. Lizzi got restless and upset over this after we sat and waited by the entrance for about half an hour. So we walked back to where the car was parked and found it gone. I thought Lizzi was going to go berserk, but she just asked to borrow Cory's phone and called Lawson for the millionth time and found out he'd ran home for ear plugs for the concert. She told him we'd decided against the concert so we could go on more rides. Most of the rest of the day passed without too much event. Other than a spat between Lizzi and Lawson that had us leave the grounds early and head back to their place. Cory was worried about me being comfortable staying the night since I didn't know them that well. I told him I'd be fine and that I could deal with anything, but I was worried about Lizzi. He just reassured me that she was fine and that I shouldn't have to deal with stuff. That he could drive us home if I wanted. In the end we stayed. Lizzi and them went to bed after saying I could stay on the couch, and Cory in the basement when we were tired and that we were allowed to watch TV or game. We just sat on the couch quietly for a bit until Cleo the cat came out and was acting rather insane. I was excited and called out only to have the cat look and walk away. I couldn't believe it, the cat rejected me. Cory just pulled me close and hugged me saying it was ok. Then he decided to put on the xbox and try Halo on live. It was so much fun to watch him play, strange as that sounds. I mean those game characters die so dramatically it's hilarious. And the awkward convo's some of those guys with mic's have, just wow. Then there's Cory, who gets so into the game that he literally vibrates and bounces, it's kute but funny. He went on a major killing streak winning in Red Vs Blue. After winning around and coming out as the top player on his team, Cory and I high fived, but when our hangs met, he entwined his fingers with mine. I was shocked but didn't pull away which is unusual for me, but I was comfortable with Cory, it was natural. Then when the next game loaded he let go, instead cuddling up close to me. In between rounds he'd hold my hand again, sometimes even forgetting about the game as we cuddled closer, his arm around my waist and the other holding my hand. He would lean on me still when he sat up to play, at one point asking me if "Isn't it usually the other way around, girls cuddle up to boys". I just giggled softly and told him that it didn't matter. When he started getting excited and riled up over being killed, I rubbed his back gently and said it was ok. Cory calmed right down and seemed like all his guard went down and he leaned back against me, saying no one had rubbed his back like that but it felt good and that I calmed him down. So I kept rubbing his back softly, then he sat up pulling my close rubbing my back before gently playing with my hair. I whispered that I liked that, that it was calming to have my hair played with. After much stubbornness from both of us I decided at 4 am that we should sleep, he hugged me goodnight and retired to the basement. A bit after 8 am, Cleo jumped on me meowing for attention and waking me up. I sat up and petted her a bit telling her to hush. When the stupid cat decided she'd had her share of attention she trotted off again. I couldn't get back to sleep after that and decided to play with my cell phone, until Cory appeared. I asked why he was up so early, and he told me he couldn't sleep cause it was cold downstairs and stuff. He then walked over to the couch, pulled the blanket up and cuddled up underneath it with me. And damn he was cold, but it was ok, I don't mind cuddling with him is nice anyway. We shifted a bit and soon I think we both drifted back to sleep. I guess it's true I do really trust him, since not only did I sleep around him, but I slept right along side him lol. Shortly after we woke up Lizzi came downstairs and asked if we'd both slept on the couch. We both shook our heads still cuddled up. We moved so Lizzi could join us on the couch, and turned on the TV to watch Saturday morning cartoons. I was starting to feel sick, and didn't find out til later it was heat stroke. But at the time I thought i was contagious and mentioned maybe Cory shouldn't stay so close to me in case he got sick. Cory just smiled, cuddled up to me and said he didn't care. So we just stayed cuddled up like that for a while still holding hand, Lizzi didn't even say a thing about it. On the ride home Cory ended up holding my hand again, and I couldn't say that was lack of sleep, I asked if he minded us being like that, he said no. Then we got to talking about Charlies Angels since we'd watched it at Lizzi's that morning. I said I'd be Dylan the Drew Barrymore character cause she's kick ass. Cory said "But she likes bad guys, does that mean I have to be bad?" I just laughed, hiding my blush and said no. Later I teased him that on second thought bad boys sound pretty fun, Cory wrinkled his nose, glaring at me saying that wasn't fair.

And these feelings for you, they flow through my veins like electricity...

Sometimes 'ready' is a concept no one can reach. But we have to take that leap, no matter how far the fall. And hope like hell on the way down that someone's waiting to catch us.

Nervous? A little.Going to Red Deer with Cory again. Only staying overnight this time.

He knows me, maybe better than anyone. He reads me as if I'm a book. Cory just seems to know me that well. The other night we were texting about what we were thinking. I ended up saying it was a secret and her persistently kept trying. Then he ended up saying 'Ya. It always seems like theres something u want to tell me but are scared too or something.' I didn't know what to say and he said I made things mysterious. Then we went on talking for a bit and he told me 'So I am right. lol. And I think I know what ur scared to tell me. But I'm not going to say it. I'll trust u will tell me when ur ready.' He has to know how I feel but why he's just dropping it confuses me.

And even when Death came to me, I said nothing could keep me away from you.

And when everyone overlooks most things about me, there's you reading me like an open book.

A good relationship is when you can be your real self around each other and not get embarrassed.

Never hesitate to fall in love.

A single word could hold all the power in the world, use it wisely.

I'll sink into these lyrics,
Don't speak, I won't hear it
Louder now, drown out my thoughts
No matter your words, I won't be bought.

There's a fear in the air that makes me choke,
Like the devils hand around my throat.
There's a shadow in the corner watching me,
Like a deathly angel of unpleasantry.

Would you be my crying shoulder?
Kiss away the tears...
Would you hold me close?
And chase away my fears.
Could you be the one to find me,
When all I want to do is hide?
And when I'm all alone;
Would you be there by my side?

If loving you is the charge, then lock me up cause I'm completely guilty...

I find the stars magical...I'm not a space freak but it's just so mind blowing to look up and see the twinkling stars and the glow of the moon. Especially in a place with no light pollution. And you can just see everything from the Andromeda to various light's that illuminate the navy sky. It's lovely. I just wish I had someone to share the beauty of the night sky with. And pathetic as it sounds, to me it would be romantic..

You wear a mask a deadly disguise;
Spin that tangled web of lies.

You make my heart race fast and my breathing slow to a stop.

Love is when you miss someone before they leave. You think about them when you wake up each morning, and they're the last one you think about each night...Love is the strongest emotion and the hardest to control... Love is strange and no one can explain it, no one really wants to... Because the greatest things in life are unexplained, explaining them would ruin life. All in all love is bittersweet.

Gawd damnz eet Addi...and me cause we are one. It sucks Nat like you even though your really me...tonight he just had to say that.

"You know..I really have to agree with your friends..
Your are the pure and perfect personification of beauty itself."

Yea this is what happens when you have a fake persona, apparently.

Your presence it feels so near
Each touch seems to linger here
Every word spoken hangs in the air
Where ever you are, I'll be there

I know your not too far, and I'll still see you. But I'm still going to miss you, so take care of my heart while your gone.

You may just break my heart yet, but either way the pieces are yours to keep.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, and I'm out of control, and at times; hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

-Marilyn Monroe

So yesterday was pretty fun. Ended up going to Red Deer with Cory, and even though it was hard waking up so early, especially after staying up so late it was definitely worth it. First we had to head to Westend to fuel up and to pick up my pay cheque. Everyone was surprised to see me walk in so early and asked what I was up to. And of course the suspicious looks and chastises started up when I said I was going to go to Red Deer with Cory for the day. Jeanette and Tom even went so far as to say "You and Cory are together? We'll spread the word". I blushed and denied saying we were just friends and not to spread rumors. After the rest of the teasing Jeanette gave us a cheque to drop off at the Royal bank for her (Even though there are like 30 banks in Rocky she had to use one in Red Deer) we got text from Cory's friend Lizzi asking if we wanted to go float down the river. Well seeing as we'd had plans to attempt it we agreed and headed off to gather out swim gear. The drive to Red Deer was fun we joked and sang along to music. Once in the city we concluded that the truck was definitely the loudest but the koolest. Lol all the weird looks and stuff from people was amusing and Cory just kept putting the truck into gear and the truck would get louder. We found out way to Parkland Mall easy enough and wandered around looking for cell phone covers with no luck. Then just decided to say screw it and headed for Wal-Mart to look for an inflatable boat or something. We found a few and thought about it and wondered if we should check Canadian Tire to see if they had more options or better deals. Whether of not to check the other store turned into a play argument between the two of us and ended in a poke war and a hug, and we headed off to Canadian Tire. Of course they couldn't make things findable in that store or it'd be too easy so we wandered around joking and playing with merchandise. Finally we found the area where lots of inflatable boats were and we mulled over options. I had to joke we could just get and air bed and float that down the river. Cory just messed up my hear and shook his head. We picked a boat and grabbed some paddles and an air pump. Well we still had some time to kill cause Lizzi went to Inisfail for a bit, so we decided to try and find Bower Mall. Cory with the typical male attitude lol would not ask for directions. I thought it was down the main drag and through down town we started that way and Cory said he didn't think it was through town so we turned and went back the other direction. We got hopelessly lost and I ended up phoning home to ask Auntie Sandy and Uncle Shane for directions. They laughed at me as if I was supposed to know my way perfectly around Red Deer, uhm no cause usually I just sit in the truck with headphones on pretending Grampa isn't there while he chauffeurs me around. Put two sixteen year old's in Red Deer and yea they get lost. So Uncle Shane told us to head down Gates the main drag and through town and that you couldn't miss the mall on the left. I turned and repeated the directions to Cory and told him that I was right and told him so. Apparently my family had a good laugh about that. Upon finding the mall and a parking spot which is hard in a truck we wandered around looking for cell phone cases. We found a place and she said there might be cases for the Keybo 2 at the main store and directed us in the way of the Telus store. We got there and they said they only had plain clear cases and no fancy ones. I piped up and asked if they knew where we could find kool ones. After confusion with directions we headed out and found the place. Finally new phone cases lol. There weren't very many masculine cases but Cory found a dark one with a skull. And he helped me choose between a sparkly purple one and a black one with sparkly silver stars. Cory said the one with stars looked kooler and suited my personality. In the end we didn't go floating down the river, though we intend to some other time. But meeting Lizzi and Lawson was fun, they are really great people and I was content knowing Cory was happy to see his old friend. After arriving at Lizzi's we all piled into her truck and drove around so she could finish a few errands. First stop, RDC and we wandered back and fourth throughout the campus trying to find the right place to go. While wandering I was told by Lawson that I should join Royals on the drum line, because it'd be a good experience. I might give it some thought but I'm sure my band geek fate is sealed to that damned flute of mine. We also toured around the area where Cory would be going if he ends up going to RDC for his schooling. Chapters was next on the list so Lizzi and Lawson could get some books to study and contest some of their subjects.Cory laughed and joked about thinking I'd be right at home there because I like books so much. We all had a blast checking out the 'For Dummies' books and said that whoever was clever enough tot come up with those books must be pretty damned rich. After we'd finished that we just ran around looking at boats and cars since Lizzi and Lawson were looking to buy. Lawson showed us the awesome 15 person pontoon party boat he was looking at. It was a great boat for the price, lots of seating room, storage and cup holders. Next we looked at cars. After they spotted the car they were looking to buy for Lizzi we went into the dealership and sat around while Lizzi and Lawson talked deals. Cory and I ended up just talking about random things and he grabbed my hands and twirled me around trying to get me to dance to the music playing, it was kute and fun. And then it just ended in more hugs and a poke war. While walking out he even surprised me and put his arm around my shoulders as we walked. And while we were in the grocery store later that day and I leaned down a bit tired he pulled me close into his chest and rested his chin on my head whispering softly that I could fall asleep. I refused and managed to stay awake the rest of the time we spent with Lizzi and Lawson and the ride home. On the ride home Cory was joking again how girls thought scars were hot and asked me if it was true. I smiled back and said only if they were not life threatening. The conversation went on and I again told him he had puppy eyes. He denied it again and I told him it made him adorable. Cory blushed and said guys wanted to be considered strong, sweet, kool and etc. I giggled and said he was all those as well, made him blush again. Then we went on to talk about friends and I said I would like to meet Jon sometime because he sounds like a great guy. Cory laughed and said that if I met him Jon would probably get bold and get in my face asking when I would get together with Cory. All in all the day was fun but it's just the moments like we shared during the day make me confused against the times he says he missed being with Heather.

It occurs to me that at time words are so often generously given, but the words given are not so generous themselves.

There is a saying....For In order to have great happiness,You have to have great pain and unhappiness - Otherwise how would you know when you're happy? I say, But pain and unhappiness can be avoided if you look towards the bright side and stray from the shadow. Then I suppose there is also danger in the light.

Hello mixed signals, how shall you confuse me today?

I don't want a knight in shining armor to ride up on his white horse. I would rather a boy in jeans to drive up in his old Dodge.

I strongly believe that when you are important to someone, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and most important of all no broken promises.

I believe that there's always a little bit of truth behind every 'Just kidding/ just wondering'. That there's a little bit of emotion behind every 'I don't care'. And a little bit of pain behind every 'It's okay'.

So last night I hung out with Rylee and heard some interesting things that I just don't get. I was saying how there was no way I could be right for Cory cause Heather was so much more pretty than me. Then Rylee said how Heather was jealous of me. And that one time their bus had gone by while I was walking across the bridge to work. Heather spoke up and said to Rylee, "Oh is that Rhianna? She's a bitch. She talks to Cory. Oh I should be quiet, cause your friends with her..." So yea...apparently there was more than just dirty looks in the hallway. Rylee also told me Heather fought with Cory a lot. Omg.

Ha! I said I'd hang on and I did. Took that stupid Propane exam today and I passed! Just have to wait for it to get sent away now. Then I will get my weird little ticket thingy~!

Well after a day tired out and sitting at home I hung out with Cory again....shocker I know right. We went to the one playground and Lochearn school to waste some time before the public swim. Well I'm still short enough for it all, Cory's too tall lol. So I guess being short has some advantages. We had a rock fight and stuff in the orange tunnel tube thing, pathetic but fun. Then the poking war went on until the rain hit hard and we made a dash for his truck. Thank god we weren't the idiot's working today, Justin was. We just had to go down there and taunt him but the rain had already passed. But hey the idiot said it'd haled down there, YES! Hope he had to go outside and work in it! Yea, yea sadistic I know but I hate Justin. Then we went to the pool and grabbed Jenna, who still remains mad at me. Well whatever I had fun. Can't believe I avoid the Rocky Pool so much. Ok so maybe I can't but I had fun swimming with Cory. I splashed him and he dunked me under the water a few times. He promised to stop until I said his puppy eyes were kute but so unfair cause they made me cave. I grabbed onto the edge of the pool for dear life but he got me. He went behind me and pulled my hands off the edge gently but I struggled a bit. I got him under too and the war was on! We were dunking each other but I lost...my consolation is that he is stronger and taller. I went to dunk him once and would've had him good but Cory pulled me under with him. The hot tub was oh so tempting too so we went and sat in it, I got Jenna to turn on the jets lol gotta love being older. It got boring fast and we went to jump in the main pool again. Cory and I counted to 3 and jumped, I thought it was freaking cold and he just teased saying he wasn't sensitive to the temperature change. Diving for rings became the game of choice, he'd toss it or swim it to the bottom and I'd dive lol. I tossed it and made him go for it once. He tried to cheat and dive for it before it hit the bottom I held him back. I should mention that I saw Miranda and it didn't much matter, she avoided me. It was funny how her little brother and cousin would come talk to me but I was the plague to her. Whatever I had fun. Cory and I went for coffee after swimming and quarreled over who was to pay. It was funny some random guy gave us this weird look while I was telling Cory he was difficult and it was my job. While sitting and having coffee, I found that my friends aren't the only ones betting on me and Cory dating, his are too. Then there's Lynn who isn't betting, she's sure and she wants us to at least go on one date. We'll see. Tomorrow, ok later today since it's early morning he's dragging me to get my infected belly button ring checked, he's apparently going to hold my hand as well.

Oh my wow good day, yesterday I got to hang out with Cory from around 10 in the morning until 7:30 in the evening. It's all things I never want to forget. I woke up sick that morning of course, hung over from drinking at Jada's and trying to figure out how to get over it. Well I wasn't going to miss a day with Cory for the world so I sucked it up and got out of bed. I got ready just in time, and thought I was pretty sneaky while leaving the house. Until we got around the corner to his truck to find Auntie Sandy and Uncle Shane just getting into the Jeep, apparently I wasn't the only one up. So I had to go say hi and see what was the happ's. I introduced Cory to them and he was ever so polite shaking hands and everything, bet it blew their minds lol. After that little ordeal we headed out, first to see if we could get kool phone covers (No luck there), then almost to the lake. Then Cory had forgot to grab his swim shorts and we headed out to his place lol, he showed me the Red Neck camper, pretty sweet and stuff. A few minutes later we were on the road again to Cow Lake. It was a bit cold out from all the wind so we left out stuff in the truck and decided to walk around. We headed across the beach and into the tree's then back around. Once back on the beach we sat at a picnic table and talked, until I suggested we try walking out into the water just a little bit. I had to roll my Capri's up a bit and we headed in ditching our shoes and socks somewhere on the shore. Cory joked about dunking me and stuff but of course he never did, but just chased me around in the water, sadly childish but oh so kute. We also kept finding rocks and tossing them around in the water to make them splash..ok well Cory skipped them, I just tossed them. He tried showing me how to skip a rock but I'm a lost cause. Then I stumbled across a small sand pale that had been washed ashore and decided building a sand castle would be fun. Cory thought that it was just for kids and shook his head until I convinced him to join in. We found another bucket and set to building out castle. WE set it up in this abandoned moat area someone had built. It went good until Cory tried to add water and the castle collapsed. Then we just wrecked the rest of it for the hell of it. We started to walk back to the truck and of course me being me discovered I had an unknown injury on my finger and was suffering blood loss. Cory asked if I was going to die I said I might drop dead and he told me I couldn't that he would catch me and not let me. I shook my head and sucked on my finger trying to stop the bleeding then Cory asked if I wanted him to kiss it better, I jokingly said 'would you' but then brushed it off. The wind was picking up so we came back into town and drove around trying to decide what to do next. We ended up driving through car dealerships looking at the vehicles. I pointed out a nice sports car and Cory had to back up to look at it again, so I must have good taste in cars. Then we got Slurpee's and drove around some more. Cory spotted nice tires that were "mint" so we stopped and he managed to score them for his truck. He was so happy like a kid on Christmas, it made me smile. He had to show his dad so down to Westend we went. I went in to check if the schedules were done but they weren't. Jeanette asked what I was up and was suspicious when I said I was hanging out with Cory. I had to explain to her we were just friends but all I got was the look and an unbelieving 'mhmm'. After giving up there I went and found Cory trying to find his dad to see if he could put his tires in his truck so we could go back out to the lake. We pulled around back and parked by his dad's truck and he got out to move the tires. Well I wasn't going to sit and do nothing so I got out to help. His dad came out and called Cory over to talk...I can guess the topic but ignored and hopped into Cory's truck. Thank god the sun came out for a bit we got changed into swim wear and slowly waded in. It went great until with my luck I managed to step on a small rock and got it stuck in my foot. I sat up on a picnic table trying to fix the issue, Cory followed and tried to let him try and doctor me. I wasn't going to let him but it was all good and I managed to get it out. Back into the water we went, and he had to convince me to get completely into the water. But hey to me it was cold. Finally I got in and decided to start a mud fight with the wet sand making up the lake floor. So much fun but Cory lost after managing to get a bit of mud on my face and backing down. Yea maybe I suck at reading the signs but I am so sure we came close to kissing multiple times but never did in the end. We continued to mess around and swam a bit deeper out past the ropes and back. The wind started to pick up again and we tried to stick it out a bit more. Laying in the shallow warmer part of the water talking and flirting I'm sure. Then it got to cold and we bailed. I left my shoes off so I wouldn't get them soaked and walked back bare foot towards the truck. We got to the parking area and Cory asked if I wanted him to carry me across so I wouldn't hurt my feet, I said no that I'd be fine and put my shoes on. Back into town we went, picked up our schedules and sped past Jada's a couple times to annoy her as we decided on what to do. He had almost drug me to the piercing place to be my belly button fixed up but it was closed. I thought that was the end of our day but we decided to hang out at my house. After scoring out jumping on the trampoline due to the chilliness of the weather and Uncle Shane sitting outside as a perspective onlooker we headed inside to watch movies. I fought with the DVD player on the floor but it had a disk stuck in it. Then I thought the one above the TV might be hooked up and fought trying to get it to stop loading and open. Cory came up behind me and grabbed my wrists taking them behind my back with one of his hands and pulling me close as he messed with the DVD thinger himself with his free hand. As he did so he whispered to me to have patience and I freed my hands which he grabbed gently once more. I got tired with warring over the DVD players that were proving useless and ran up to my room grabbing my Blue Ray and brought it to the basement. We fought to hook it up but managed. Then came the decision over which move 'Friday The 13th', 'Iron Man', or my personal favorite 'Repo! The Genetic Opera'. Cory grabbed all 3 and hid them behind his back mixing them up and asked me to pick top, middle or bottom, I picked middle. Repo it was lol. We popped it in and got comfy, me in the leather chair and him on the couch. The movie started and Cory joked about it being scary and I asked if he would be ok. He then joked about having nightmares from it and I asked if he wanted me to hold his hand and he said yes. So we were holding hands through the opening part of the movie. We watched the movie but would sneak glances at each other or stop and just flirt. Fe walked up and down the stairs a few times but gave up after Cory watched her lol. After the movie we sat talking and bugging each other. He poked me and I hid under the blanket I had and thought he'd back off or hide but when I took the blanket down and he was right there. Then I poked him back and the war was on. Until I shivered a bit and he tucked the blanket securely around me. Then he moves as if to poke my foot or something and I moved away. He smiled and asked if my feet were ticklish, I claimed no even though I'm very ticklish all over. I asked if he was ticklish and it was a staring contest, as well as another almost kiss moment. Then Cory kept ruffling his hands through my hair and messing it up, I tried to mess his but proclaimed it was too short. He just chuckled and said 'good, but yours is perfect' and commenced messing with my hair. Then we toyed with the idea of doing something else but then decided it best if he head home before his dad start trying to figure out where the hell he'd disappeared too. I said I'd walk him to his truck and we headed out slowly then stood beside his truck talking, reluctant to say goodbye and part ways. The longer we talked we got closer to each other unconsciously. He was trying to convince me to let him drag me in to get my belly button piercing checked and said I could hold his hand so it wouldn't hurt as much. And we were discussing how he still had to get me to watch 'Iron Man'. Then Jenna, Auntie Sandy and Uncle Shane walked around the corner from the alley, ending out moment. Jenna wandered right up to show us her new stuffed lion. We had to say goodbye then cause I was going with Jenna and they'd said Uncle Shane wouldn't wait forever. I hugged Cory, he pulled me close as always and when we pulled away from embracing each other he left his hands lingering on my waist for a bit. We called out to text each other and went our separate ways.

Aww I swear he's such a kutie, and he always managed to make me feel loved and get butterflies. Cory text me asking if I was still up and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was still sick but hopefully I'd survive. He text back "U better. I will make sure u survive". Awwww -Gushes-. Then I asked how and he said he didn't know yet. But just texting him is making me feel better.

Dear Mother Nature;
I'm really liking this Sunshine your giving us! Could we please keep it for the rest or the summer? I mean I love the rain and it's amazingly awesome but like I hate working during thunderstorms. You know how the power goes out...total pain in the ass and customers so don't understand that no we cannot scan stuff through when our til is out. And maybe you don't understand what it's like to take dips in the rain, but believe me it sucks. I felt like a human lightning rod out there with the wooden dip stick. God if lightening struck it would've hit me not the building.
Sincerely;
Rhii

Yea so I've figured out that work can be a bitch when your a female on your freaking monthly. Damnerz! Well at least Cory gave me a hug, and made me feel better.

Yesterday was pretty damned good. Cory came into town and said he could come get me and Jenna or just me if I preferred. He showed up at the door, and Jenna decided not to come. Oh well hanging out with Cory was awesome. We drove around for a bit, and we happened across Solomon and his girlfriend by Bower's. So I just had to say something, I yelled out the window "Solomon remember what I told you, Condoms they help!" Cory looked at me then and we burst out laughing, he couldn't believe I'd say something like that let alone yell it out a window. And apparently Solomon recognized Cory's truck and seconds later I got a text from him saying 'You and Cory, huh? Fun.' We continued driving for a bit and Cory asked what I wanted to do and I said I though he'd had a plan. Then he said he though ice cream sounded good and asked if I agreed. I swear everyone and their freaking dog was there. I told Cory I'd pay since he'd gotten our Timmies the other night. We decided on chocolate milkshakes and sat down to talk. We talked about random things like how I'd almost killed poor Oinkerz my Beta fish while cleaning his tank. And Cory told me some more stuff about him. When we left though we discovered Cory's back driver's side tire was losing air. We headed for 711 but decided to just go to Good Year and get it fixed. He found out it was hooped. Cory was miffed cause it was the spare tire from his Dad's truck that his Dad had given him. He ended up having to buy a new tire, luckily it only cost him $30. While the tire was being fixed up we fooled around outside and stuff and I said how it looked like it'd be fun to climb on all the tires in the tire show room. Then I discovered the sign warning to keep off the tires...Damnerz. After Cory's truck was all good we drove around and he took me to the pet store cause I was going to show him the baby bunnies and their teeny tiny ears. They weren't there sadly, but there were kittens. I picked up the one glaring at me and Cory laughed, cause only I would do that. We also checked out the fish. While we were there some people bought a kitten, then 2 birds. I was like "Oh great buy a cat and bird its a great combination". Cory's smart ass reply was "They need to get food for the cat." Oh god lol. It was almost 3 and he had to work so we headed back to my house. He wondered out loud if he should let air out of his new tire at my place or at work, to make sure all tires had equal air. I said it was his choice and he said at least at my place he'd have company. So we got out and Cory started fixing his tire and we chatted away. When he was done he gave me a hug. He pulled me really close and I just felt so safe and warm. It was a longer hug than usual and he rubber my back gently too. We finally parted ways shouting to each other to text lol. I sat up in my room with butterflies the rest of the afternoon until all hell broke loose at my house and I left. I was uptown with Jada and Lynn and Cory were texting me, wanting me to come down and visit them at West End. I finally caved and me and Jada had bought Silly String. We got down there and Lynn dared Jada to Silly String Cory's truck. I just shook my head not thinking she'd actually do it and walked into the store to see Cory. I said I was completely innocent and then Jada walked in grinning evilly. Cory said oh no and we walked outside to see the damage. Walking up all I saw was Silly String on the tires and I sighed in relief thinking it was that bad. Jada then said "Oh no, check the back". So I had to stand on tip toes to look and the box of the truck was covered in blue and purple Silly String. Cory grabbed Silly String and pointed it at Jada lol, I told him to go ahead. It broke out into a Silly String fight and I got it in Cory's hair and on his shirt. I also got Jada down her shirt and in her mouth, she retaliated and got it all over in my hair. Cory and I helped each other get it off. After we were all clean of the stuff we went back inside and talked. Cory continued to do his clean up and went out back to take the trash out. As a joke I ran back there to lock the door, I got to it just as he reached for the door knob. I returned up front and Lynn went back to unlock it on him. When she let him in we could hear him blaming Lynn, who kept saying it wasn't her. His next guess was that it was Jada who had a very devious grin on her face. She laughed and I shook my head and held up my hand and admitted it was me. He said seriously. I asked Cory for a hug and he teasingly said no before having to go out to get a fuel. No sooner had he left then Lynn turned to me and said that Cory and I were both crushing on each other but wouldn't admit it even though it was obvious to everyone else. I started to deny it and say that I liked him but his feelings weren't returned but he walked back in and stood beside me putting his arm on my shoulder and leaning on me. I told him to stop being mean and he said he wasn't but I was just short and continued to lean on me using me as an arm rest. I really didn't mind, it was kute. Then Grampa pulled up for fuel and I knew I was in trouble for the fight earlier. After he came in I thought I had better leave instead of sticking around and headed out. Before I left I went up to Cory and he said he didn't know if he should give me a hug and listed off what I'd done like, Silly String his truck, Silly String him, lock him out. I said he should hug me cause he loves me. He caved and I got to get a hug I was only going to give him a slight hug quickly and not get to close, but Cory pulled me in closely for a nice tight hug. He hugged me for a while out by Grampa's truck and I felt so safe. When we let go he said he'd text me.

Yet another fun time at Timmies...but with just Cory this time. Earlier he said he'd come to town and give me a hug as soon as he got here and asked where I was. But Dusty came and got me. But then after work Grampa got mad and the fight was on...I was texting Cory and said I was leaving my house for a bit. HE had been at Husky fueling up at the cardlock. After he'd heard about the fighting he'd started driving to my place and text me asking if I wanted him to pick me up. He admitted to me that when I'd agreed he was already halfway to my house and was going to talk/text me into it either way. Seconds after I looked out the hallway window and his truck was out there. We just drove around for a bit and he ended up taking us to the old Tim Horton's. He just parked the truck and we sat out front talking for a bit before heading in. When I went to pull out my wallet he stopped me and told me it was his treat. What a total gentleman. We sat for nearly two hours just talking and this time it really was just us. We got so into talking I didn't notice all the other people in Timmies slowly leave and empty out. We were the last people out. And he hugged me before I left. I can't believe he came and got me.

Well he was apparently asleep and admitted it after I replied to his random text. I had to convince Cory to go to bed. He was going to stay up and text me but I told him to to to sleep, he needed it and it was more important than texting me. Wow...I can't believe he was going to try to after he'd already fallen asleep once. Mom said that means I must be pretty important to him.

If I could I would bottle up each and every single memory and keep it forever. But I can't so writing it all down will have to do, I never ever want to forget. I wish I could replicate everything I feel as well but emotions can only not be described. So tonight after sitting at Jada's and vegging at Jada's with out pizza and movies, I decided to ask Cory if he wanted to come to Timmies. He shocked me and said he'd come. I was so happy. I hugged him as soon as he stepped through the door. It was kind of awkward at first with him and Jada but then it just ran smoothly. And Jada just had to tell him my embarrassing story from grade 4 when my desk tipped into the plant at the back of the class. And stories and jokes flew from there. ANd we even brought up Jada's earlier freak out over Timmies service and her plans of what to do with the workers, Cory and I....LOL. At some points it felt like it was just me and Cory, no one else. He looked straight into my eyes like he could see right through me. We joked about how he was no longer allowed to get hurt and made jabs at work. Me ruling hell came up and Cory asked how it was possible when he was going to rule it. We jokingly fought saying he had seniority but I said ladies first. Then I came up with a plan that we should split hell but I got the bigger half, we play argued over how to split hell but in the end it'll be 5/50 LOL. Then it got late and Timmies was about to close so Jada went to the bathroom. No sooner had she left the table then Cory said we should leave and see if we could freak her out. We got up and he played good Samaritan chastising me about my cup so I threw it away and we tried the front door only to be sent out the back exit door. Cory and I rushed around the side corner towards the drive thru and leaned against the wall laughing quietly. It got funnier when I couldn't climb on the yellow bars to get taller, so Cory sat on them making me feel shorter. Then he crouched down closer to my height. And we toyed with the idea of getting in his truck and pretending to drive away, but we didn't no where or if she'd hear it, and we ran out of time. As we were waiting for Jada to come looking some stoner kids walked and biked by singing 'I Got A Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas' and we started to giggle. At this time Jada had come out to discover me and Cory missing and shouted out loud "You Bitch!" The Philipino woman though Jada was talking to her and was all "Excuse me?". Jada had to embarrassedly explain that she wasn't talking about the woman but rather me and Cory and got told we'd left. Back outside Cory and I had troubles staying quiet and Jada came out looking. We shot off running around to the drive thru and then around the other side. We had to duck trying to be unseen by Jada through the windows. We sat there on the ground just laughing beside each other before turning back and slowly going back around the corners cautiously thinking maybe Jada was waiting around one. She wasn't we got all the way back around to have Cory spot her in the box of his truck. She saw us and climbed out almost falling out. All three of us stood around talking, and joking some more. Cory and I high fived over our pranking Jada even though we kind of failed and she admitted she saw us through the windows when we went around. As we joked I randomly decided I should sign my name in the dust on Cory's truck, Jada ruined it by writing 'sucks' underneath it. I tried again and Cory left it. And Jada decided to joke it'd be funny if he lost his truck keys but of course he showed he had spares. Topics changed and I asked if he really would enter his truck into the Shoot Out next year, he said maybe, so I decided to ask if I could ride with him... Cory then asked if I needed a hug after a joke poked at me and I teased him it wasn't a real hug. I even said I was tearing up and he leaned really close. Close enough we could have kissed, I thought Jada would have smacked our heads together but she didn't. Well then Cory had to go but he gave me another hug, a warm safe feeling one that made me feel so much better. He then drove off crazily as always in his nice noisy truck. I text him thanks shortly after and that I'd had fun, he said it was great. He also said he could hang almost any time. We got texting back and fourth as I walked home and he was worried, so I told him the worst that could happen was I'd trip. He text "Don't trip" to joke back for earlier things about Cory not getting hurt I said "I'll try, no promises :]". Well he didn't seem to mind the joke but replied "hey. ill will u not to trip :-)". I said if he did that I'd will him not to get hurt. We agreed it was fair and to do that. Then he asked how I was and I said good and asked him. He told me "good :-) thanks to u :-)". I said that made me feel better cause I liked when he smiled and asked if he'd keep smiling. The reply was "ok. ill smile just for u". Just stop my heart there....And I told him that would make me smile too and he said ":-) good". When I got home he asked if there was 'no tripping'? I told him that no I was extra careful just for him and Cory asked if he was that special, of course he is and I told him so. Then he asked if I would tell him what I was thinking and I said I would if he told me what he was thinking. So there was a playful argument over who would spill their thoughts first. I gave in after he said "rhianna...u should tell me what ur thinking". So I told him the truth I was thinking that I had fun tonight and I really like his smile. The sweet heart told me ":-) im thinking ur such a great friend". I told him he was too, one of the best. And we went on to say we trusted each other and then after a what's up round he told me he was only laying in bed texting me so I said I felt important...he told me good. I think he's fallen asleep and I hope he sleeps well. But damn that boy makes me forget. He really is my hero and my friend. Hopefully maybe more, Jada even want more for us. She told me that she saw more and that we'd flirted at Timmies and that he looked at me in such a way it had to be more than as a friend.

My head's spinning with all that's going on with me and Cory. Are we really just meant to be friends? Sometimes it seems that way but then other times it seems like there's something more just beneath the surface. Like the texting constantly even through all hours of the night. Like the other night he'd said he was tired after I'd asked him how he was and then I asked why he didn't just go to sleep....he text back "lol. i was thinking about it. but then i text you and forget about sleep. lol." Talk about taking my breathe away and with only a text. So I decided to reply that I thought that I'd be boring and Cory text back "not really. ur caring. and friendly. the kind of person i like texting :-)". Oh my. That was just so sweet! And then the next day I'd been hanging with Jenna who was picking on my lol, like usual and I told Cory that. And he said "lol. oh im sure its just friendly bugging. lol. do u need me to protect you?" Lol I asked if he would and he jokingly evaded until the next night when Jada decided she wanted to kill me and Cory asked if he was gonna die this time and I said no just me. He was happy but I was all gee thanks lol Ima die. And he text me "lol. u will be fine. ill protect u lol". Lol yea it's just words but that boy is definitely my hero even if he doesn't know it he's saved me in a lot of ways. I'm smiling more and things are seeming so much better now. And he always picks me up when I'm down.

CRASH! BOOM! Damnerz I love the thunder, first thunderstorm of the year, summer if definitely here. I forgot how much I missed the sound of the thunder and rain pitter patting down on my roof. And I can just remember all the times from when I was a little kid hiding from the scary sounds, can't believe it now, it's been far to long. It'll be even better after the storm, it'll be all fresh and nice smelling out.

Seriously? Threaten to replace me with some other kid because you scared me with the whole propane aspect. And the fact that my course was missing countless pages. Well guess what? I'm not letting go of my job at the gas station, I refuse. It's opened so many doors. I stayed up all night and I'm done, that whole booklet is finished. So I look forward to my ticket! But honestly how can one little paper with my name on it mean I'm soooo good at filling propane?

I could for sure wake up like that everyday! Yea I went to bed really late last night...or uhm early this morning and waking up at 7:30 isn't a cup of tea, but hey if I could wake up to a text from Cory every day I'd be pretty content. I woke up to a text of him asking if I was still alive...lol after Jada's ranting last night it was a miracle. I said I thought I was. And then he said texting was a good sign cause I couldn't if I was dead. I said it's possible but it'd take skills. Lol then Cory joked around said we wouldn't test that. Then he said we had to keep laughing about the Strawberries and Colin's sign and insulting the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Haha I've decided looking at cars is fun, especially when you get to test drive them. Dusty come and picked me up from the school at noon and after lunch with Jessica we went looking at cars. I swear it got better as we went along. We test drove a 2005 Pontiac G6 and she ran smooth, only it's mileage was high. So we went across the highway to Edwards and checked out cars there. Apparently Dusty can't drive a standard so most of them were out of the question. Then we stumbled over a nice little blue 2006 Pontiac G5 Pursuit. Nice car...just too expensive. But luckily it just got better when we stumbled across the 2008 Chevy Cobalt at the Dodge Dealership. It was perfect for Dusty. Sadly the damned financing didn't go through and they never even gave her time to try and cosign, before they financed with some other person. So for now she's stuck with her old screaming "Classic" as she puts it.

I can live in denial or deny I'm in denial...or maybe even admit it can be possible even if I think it's not and it's too good to be true. After the test in Science Cody Muffin turned around and told me what he though about things...He began by telling me that Cory liked me, apparently he could tell by seeing us together at the fair. His reasoning was that it was written all over the way Cory was looking at me, talking to me, flirting, and acting. And that Cory was just to scared to do anything about it. Of course I just turned red and denied it cause I am only a friend to Cory. I guess maybe I should consider Cody could be right because they did used to be close friends until Cody switched schools. Now Cody swears he's going to interrogate poor Cory about it and see if he likes me.

Only Jada could make an outing at Tim Horton's so freaking hilarious~! We order our coffee and stuff for supper and the Phillipino woman served every single person through the drive through before us and we were there first. 20-25 minutes later we got our order and Jada was about to kill someone muttering "If they can't fucking work they can go back to their own fucking country." I guess nothing should come between Jada and her Timmies. Then Cory text me asking how Timmies was and he ended up getting Jada's whole long rant through my phone. He just thought it was entertaining and laughed as well....even stirred shit up. He asked me to ask Jada if her world was coming to an end, and well sure enough have one smart ass comment to another and you get her reply "His worlds coming to an end if he doesn't shut up." I swear I laughed so hard I just about died from how much my side hurt. Then Jada got so into her rant and jokingly upset about Cory's pestering she came up with a new torture, for Cory. Her explanation "I'll kick his little ass....I'll stick him up on his truck lights! All he'll have to do is open his mouth and the light will shine through." It was funny! I told Cory he had to come to Tim Horton's with us next time, he agreed but asked if Jada would attack him. Lol she won't if I have anything to do about it :D As the smart assing between them continued I just got to tease Jada. I then went to run/crawl away from her at her apartment and fell face planting in her pile of dirty laundry (And underwear as Jada exclaimed). Then she glared at me and I went to pull out a drawer on her dresser to block her death glare at me. And go figure I pull out the only fucking broken drawer in the whole dresser and it comes out and hits me in the face. Thank god Cory was only texting and not there to see those embarrassing things.

So I got it done. I'm not quite sure why yet but I pierced my belly button. It looks pretty kool, though not as kool as my hip piercing was. Hopefully I'll get that redone to but not in Rocky, in Red Deer.

I don't quite understand it...it's like I'm breathless and there's a hole in my gut making everything fall apart. The sensation of a loss or emptiness like somethings missing. But what is missing? I'm slowly taking the stairs up to being completely ok again.

Well...Lynn says I should drop it, forget about it cause I'll only be disappointed again. But the thing is I've already been driving myself insane thinking one way then flipping to the other. Sometimes people get me to believe that yea it is possible that maybe Cory does like me, then I flip back and hit reality that there is no way he could like me. I think that the only way he could like me is as a freind, because that's the way guys always like me. Nothing more.

The sore arms, the being tired my whole Sunday shift...it was worth it. Saturday night was absolutely completely and forever amazing. I got teased a bit, but hey no big deal. Like as soon as his dad came into work he joked around saying "You kept my kid out late" and asked if it was worth it, sure as hell was. I told him we'd had so much fun. And I kind of think Cory's dad and Uncle Don think somethings going on between us, ha I wish. Jordan also told me her reasoning for acting how she did with Cory, he said she was acting weirder than me to make me look normal cause she thought Cory meant it when he was calling me insane. No he just always jokes.

Wow...I guess I've never really been hit so hard with feelings. I've thought I've loved, I've thought I've crushed...and yea I've liked Cory for a while but yea. I get so nervous thinking about talking to him about that one topic that my stomach knots up and I get major butterflies. Last night I thought I'd be sick I was so nervous. But thinking about Saturday calms me. Like when I got him on the Merry Go Round lol, that was so funny. He said he couldn't believe it, and I still can't. Or the time when after the kids kept grabbing my butt and putting their hands in my back pockets and he told me to tell him if it happened again and he'd tell them to "Watch their hands". Gawd I want so much just to go back and relive it all.

Do not seek to be sought.....

I wish tonight never had to end, and I can't believe last night I was nervous. I had the greatest time with Cory. I lost count how many people thought we were dating, including friends, relatives, ex's and carny's. We have inside jokes too like the Squeaky Strawberry and Colin. I don't think I've ever seen Cory smile so much, I loved it and I'd give anything to see that smile as much as possible. It started when we got to the fair both a bit nervous..but then we got better after leaving to grab something to eat. We ate out pizza in his truck parked in the West End laut. Colin came to bug us but gave up to go finish his pathetic attempts at weed wacking....including his dumb sign LOL. Then Uncle Don the boss man showed up and Cory jumped out to through the box out and talk to him. Uncle Don didn't notice me sitting in the truck for a bit until I said hi...and he was all shocked and joked saying "Are you associating with him?" A bit of silence followed from both me and Cory until I finally answered "He's my friend". Then uncle Don said "We need to talk about who you like". Then we set back off to the fair grounds and ran into everyone I know...like Jordan who so bluntly asked Cory if we were on a date. Then Victoria saw us and text Cory asking if we were friends or together, he told me he thought she was just jealous. Lol....we went on the Strawberries...and I'm sure the ride dude thought we were going on it to make out but we got on and spun it until it started squeaking and we killed ourselves laughing, and the dude gave us funny looks when he came to let us off. Cory broke that by saying "It squeaks!" The look on his face was absolutely priceless. So apparently drinks were to expensive so we drove back to West End to get some water and energy drinks. Uncle Don bugged us cause we argued over who was paying, I won~! Finally on our third return we made it into the parking laut instead of the field. We continued running into people and getting asked the same question. He told me that it was the best time he'd ever had at a fair. And when I almost decided to go on the Ferris wheel he said "I promise I won't let you fall out". He even pinky swore. Instead we watched the fire works...and snuck glances at each other and talked a bit. I learned so much about him, like he grew up with horses, and memories of things like his dad taking him on rides and giving him a fire cracker he accidentally threw under a van. Apparently we'll hang again, I can't wait. And even if I'm tired at work tomorrow it was worth it...Tonight was a good night and the Black Eyed Pea's- I Got A Feeling is the theme song now. I never want to forget this...I would ask the night never end or replay it over and over a thousand times if I could.

Is it always about other countries with our government? I mean yea I love being part of a nation willing and able to help others and be known as a world peace keeper. But come in if we look around we are having problems in our own country too. We have people without shelter, food and necesities needed for life. If we don't watch out we'll end up like those countries that have fallen. I appreciate the effort to help those in need but think about it....in the end it's reallt their own fault their like that. Like Africa their people are starving and dying of multiple diseases like HIV and AIDS, as well as going without an education. It all could have been preventable but no one cared to stop it. Maybe it won't happen for a while or as severe but it can and will if we don't start looking out for our own country.

And how can these feelings be denied....
When I can't even get you off my mind.

And how can these feelings be denied....
When I can't even get you off my mind.

Hushed words whispered with rough lips.
A heated touch with cold fingertips.

I know I'm me but I feel like someone else. Playing a role I shouldn't have to.

I won't give up on you
These scars won't tear us apart
So don't give up on me.
It's not too late for us
And I'll save you from yourself
And I'll save you from yourself

Our legs begin to break
We've walked this path for far too long
My lungs begin to ache
But still we carry on
I'm choking on my words
Like I got a noose around my neck.

Like the infant tuned to a mothers lullaby, I hang onto your words even if they hurt, making me cry.

Kiss my lips,
And close my eyes.
Slit my wrists,
And lay me to die.

If there's beauty in the breakdown then why am I such a mess?

I don't think I belong anywhere, maybe it's true no one loves me like the kids at school always used to say, I just never noticed until now. Ok maybe that's a bit dramatic but I still don't belong anywhere. After I freaked out on a prank because I was hurt and upset when it was played on me, I haven't been able to sit with my group of friends. And now apparently they sit and have conversations at lunch about how I'm such a fucking bitch but they haven't stopped to think that maybe I'm hurting, a lot. Then an home I'm never included in anything but i want Grampa and Fe to recognize that I am in fact part of this family too. They wait until I'm not home to go out and family vacations consist of them going somewhere nice and leaving me home alone and then Grampa driving me somewhere whining how I'm wasting his time. Just once I want someone to just care, I want to know I belong.

Well I'm sixteen now and it sucked. You hear all this stuff about being sixteen being all good but I didn't have a Sweet Sixteen I had a Sour Sixteen. My best friend ditched me when ALL I wanted was to hang out with her for just once, but I guess that's too much to ever want on any day. I realize it was the misunderstanding but what hurt me was the fact that Miranda never once apologized or made it up to me by maybe hanging out later. Oh well I guess at least I have the greatest brothers ever Grant sent me flowers and Randy said Happy Sweet Sixteen in a million different ways.

Sweeping dirt under a rug doesn't do much good it only appears the floor is clean but really the mess is just hidden. Just like not talking about what happened, how we feel, how I felt. It's sweeping the problems and the hurt away and pretending it's not there it does no good but to make an illusion.

I am kind of upset there's another girl Cory has eyes for but at the same time I'm ok. I still do have hots for someone else just not as much as Cory.

I'm curios as to what it would be like as a bookmark...I mean living in the pages of so many books, getting to know the many stories so intimately. From clean crisp pages of new books to the old soft stained ones of those passed from generation to generation.

Fad, popularity, cool. Words that ultimately rule the minds of the many drones in high schools, the "in crowds" who are really nothing more then unoriginal followers. If it's commercialized or different they somehow suddenly "Always" liked it and it was such a huge part of there life. Everything, I swear has to become one of their fads, Bisexuality, Twilight and now Tim Burton's newest creation, Alice In Wonderland. As soon as it was commercialized BAM! all these "Burton fans" popped up and were so into it....NOT. I bet half of them don't even really know who the fuck Tim Burton is or that he specializes in bringing the greatest things to life in twisted creepy ways that are just so appealing, they don't even know the story of Alice In Wonderland. Besides that half of them hadn't even heard of the Twilight Saga or though of picking it up until it was announced to appear on the big screen starring break out celebrities and hotties Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. And to add onto it a good majority of the mindless drones are repulsed at the thought of kissing the same sex let alone both the same and opposite sexes, they would rather just stick to the opposite. But oh no now it's just something they've been afraid to tell everyone for years until now. Bull fucking shit, this behavior over such things repulses me, where has being your own person gone? Can no one think for themselves and like what they like? I now have to wonder what will be the next fad?

Gotta love the imagination. Tonight as I walked home my imagination ran wild. In my mind the musical cries of coyotes were actually werewolves calling out to one another, all the while running through trees like the graceful predators they are.

Sometimes I wish I could speak out and say things I want to, things I should. Especially right now, but I can't because the people I need to tell these things to won't listen, probably don't even care. I want to go back and never have made the mistakes I did, then maybe it'd be different and I'd never have to say these things at all. I want to tell Miranda that I miss everything and that I'm scared I really did lose the best friendship I ever had. She wouldn't listen and she wouldn't see. She was always the person I trusted with everything and she was always there. Sure she will say now that she's still my best friend, but I question it? It's like there's some HUGE invisible wall between us and that I'll never be able to get by it so that we can just go back to being best friends. To having fun, understanding things no one else could, and having trust. I miss her.

Uhm....wow gotta be by mistake?! But it just shocks me and gives me butterflies. I text Cory asking him how his day of freedom was since St. Dom's is lucky and had no school today. His reply? "Kinda boring, wish I could have spent it with u". ZOMFG! He must have text the wrong girl by accident thinking I was someone else no way he meant to say that to me. If he did omg omg omg.

So I've looked back at older posts and thought about how things were back in September and stuff. I noticed the tone has changed, and so have I. I'm not the same girl I was I'm not as naive or ignorant. Sure I miss the times back then I was blind to how things could be and of course I miss the stupidity. But hey I grew up, I changed and I am me because of it. Sure it took some hard times and days that I have no idea how I survived, but I made it. :]

This has to be my subconscious talking, and it probably isn't even true....but a thought crossed my mind when I saw this thing on Facebook everyone had become a fan of 'He Likes Her, She Likes Him, They Don't know. But Everyone Else Does.'. I thought maybe uhm....[even typing this makes it sound stupid] that, that might be how it is with me and Cory, we both like each other we just don't know it, we only deny it, but then everyone else knows and no matter how much our friends shove us towards each other we choose not to see. Damnerz! Maybe I'm caving and believing my friends who all but yell at me that he likes me! I don't know I just don't. But I actually wish it were like that but who know. Maybe just silly thoughts.

Among the differences in spelling between Canadians and Americans I find Canadians like to replace the letter "F" with "Ph" in certain words. So today in Science whilst the teacher spelled 'Sulphur' today with the proper Canadian spelling rather than 'Sulfur' the American way, I got to thinking....Fuck, that's obviously to American. So lets do it the Canadian way so Fuck=Phuck! LOL

Hahaha...haven't done that in like forevers! I never thought tobogganing could be so much fun but apparently it's a total blast. It's changed a lot since when I was little and went all the time with my friends. There only used to be about 3 or 4 types of toboggans like crazy carpets, flying saucers, GT's and the weird sled thing. Now there are SO many it's quite confusing, GT's and crazy carpets are like so rare you can't find, saucers come in about a million different styles and there's weird sleigh things that bend. Not to mention the obscene boosted seat like thing with a handle that you may sit on whilst holding your feet up to slide down a hill. Well even with the changes it rocked. Especially the epic fail lol. Apparently my wicked batman sled doesn't like me and Miranda we piled on it and slow mowed like 8 feet down hill and came to a very dumb stop unable to go over the jump. Then Ethan, Miranda and I held a rope while going down on our own separate toboggans and Ethan fell half off and got drug behind us. I fell off my flying saucer from laughing too hard at that. Lastly we all tried the really big jump in the middle of the trees and apparently my total wipe out was hilarious. And I tried to "Kill" Ethan aka I just pushed his sled so he'd go faster and get more air off the jump. Now next week we are all going again and making Danton go off the jump....blind folded he'll totally scream like a little girl. I think I'll probably invite Cory too.

I must ask, who is the person that came up with this brilliant idea of Valentines Day? Maybe most people think that they need one day specified each year so that they may show their true feelings towards loved ones. But to me it seems that you shouldn't need one had stuck on the calender each year to give you the excuse to go all out, why not do it on your own? Randomly come home with flowers for the one you love, just because you can. Say "I love you" whenever you get the chance. Sure one day of absolute love sickness is wonderful but why not all year, any day?

So adults always try and say that it's better to be the bigger person and step up, but do they ever think about the consequences, the negative ones? Like how about the other person being an immature bitch and punching you? Cause well it apparently does. I mean seriously we're in high school and should be grown up enough to handle getting along and maturely talking our problems out. I realize I messed up a bit getting bitchy but I was sick and tired of being pushed around by Jasmine and having her get off looking innocent. So I went up apologizing saying I didn't want to be a bitch to her anymore and that I thought it would be so much better for everyone as well as easier on us if we just got along, so why didn't we have a truce. Jasmine talked a little and I listened then suddenly Jasmine popped a question asking why that all happened and I answered her after her persistence. And the fucking bitch punched me in front of everyone in the gathering area, the busiest place in the school at noon might I add. I wasn't going to do anything and I was hurt, humiliated and shocked but Ms. Burger took me to the office saying that it wasn't right that the other girl hit me. So Jasmine got suspended and I got applauded for being the mature one and handling the whole situation well. But Jasmine said to admin she wasn't even sorry.

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the trust is, its not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn't give up on them.

Uhm...Ethan is daring. Yesterday he wants me to sit on his lap today well he, screw it I'll just type it all. He stole my vitamin water and I tried everything to get him to give it back. I begged pleaded and said I'd share it with him anyway. Ethan would not give so finally I told him I would kiss him on the cheek if he gave me my vitamin water back. No big deal cause he's my guy friend, I trust him and I've kissed him on the cheek before so ya. Well he give me the water so I have to keep up my end of the deal. I go to kiss his cheek and at last second Ethan turned he head and kissed me! I pulled back and turned totally red. I can't believe he did that. Everyone thought it was funny. Miranda even went and congratulated him after. At least he's a good kisser buy I learned my lesson. I just never expected him to do that. Deep down I wish it was Cory.

Hahahaha! Jada's thought process:
Me: "Go to hell in a hand basket Colin." -Clicks price gun-
Me: "I'll carry it Colin." -Click-
Colin: "Did you say my name?"
Me: "Oh hey Colin." -Click-
Colin: "Why did you say my name?" -Confused look-
Me: "Shut up Colin." -Click!-
LOL

WOW! Oh my god best day ever. The game was great, and Cory played hard and damned good (looking hawt the whole time). I never though a basket ball game could be so exciting, and whoever says it isn't a contact sport is wrong. Damn those boys get right up in each others faces and shove each other for the ball. They also jump REALLY high and snatch the ball before it manages to go into the basket. I'm so glad Miranda and Jordan came with me to, except for the part where they teased me calling Cory my boyfriend when he is so just a friend.....well for now. And it was totally embarrassing how just as the game started Jordan had my camera and was taking pictures and she made a point of zooming in on guys butts and totally tried getting a picture of Cory's for me OMG the perv that she is. And since Jordan gets quit loud I'm pretty sure Cory's dad who was sitting two rows up and a little bit over from us heard. Even after she stopped when I pointed him out a couple time he'd keep looking back smiling, laughing or shaking his head at us lol. And apparently during the warm ups Cory kept glancing up at me and stuff so cute! And then there's Miranda "Good choice he's hot!" and telling me "When are you going to notice the signs he likes you?" And I'm so happy the Huskies won! Cory was so happy and I absolutely love his smile. After his team was done shaking hands and stuff he briefly said hi to his dad then came up to me lol. It was kute I was so proud of him and his team.