Oh you don't care? Well I hope you choke and die, sound fair?

You told me once that our fates were entwined, like your hand in mine.

I was always used to being all alone,
Living in a house I couldn't call home.

Watch out for my Umbrella, bitch.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

- Kevin Arnold

Here's my heart, lock and key. I love you, so please don't hurt me.

I'm that broken toy in the corner, that doesn't work quite right. The one the child broke without meaning to. The toy left to sit on the shelf watching, but never noticed. Secretly knowing I'll never be fixed.

Even with someone perfect it will hurt. Love is a bittersweet ache. A song, sung between two hearts, needing the beat of each other. It's finding warmth in another when your heart is frozen in your own chest. The dream we all seek.

Danny is a sweetie.
"I wish I could guard the pieces, until someone could put them back together.I don't want them broken anymore."

Hello Misery, I knew you were there.
Just behind that door.
Couldn't knock could you?
Always hiding, always waiting.
Your there in the shadows,
Beyond where I can see.
It's the endless game,
Of hide and seek.

Your that ghost in my mind.
A silent memory lost in time.

Your eyes, the dissect me. Come on baby, infect me.

And your as fake as those nails your always afraid to break.

Yea that's me, I'm Super Girl.
Are you ready? Cause I'll rock your world.

And it's the end of life as we know it. Ok so just my life....Heather and Cory are an item, as much as I wish it weren't so. Come on fire burn it to the ground.

I guess I couldn't be strong enough and you couldn't hold on it was just too tough. So lets whisper our sweet goodbye and cross our fingers for a better time.

Let's paint a picture using only words, that we can see only with our hearts.

I'll kiss the stars in hopes all our wishes will come true.

"I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more."
- C.S. Lewis

It's been said that you only truly fall in love once, but I don't believe that. For every time I see you, I fall in love all over again.

Haha good times! I went to Red Deer with my amazing sister Dusty today, and we went to this Liquidation thing and found swords. Of course technically I wasn't allowed to buy them cause I'm under 18, so Dusty covered that. We had a blast going around the aisles and ended up spending over an hour there. When paying at the counter the one guy asked if I was her sister, Dusty replied that yes I was her little sister. The guy said that I was pretty kute, turning to me to introduce himself. I was shocked. He followed us out and asked where we lived. Dusty explained we lived near Rocky, but outside of town near Cow Lake, since he Mom has practically adopted me. And then he turned to me and asked if he could have my number. I said I didn't think my Mom would like it, and then he asked again saying as just friends. I had to turn him down. I still can't believe it I've never had something like that happen to me. He was actually kind of kute, but yea..not really interested. I had a good time all day until I say Heathers sickening status on FB ":: Your on my mind morning, day + night. ♥ C.D.A"...I mean gag me with a fork...

Wow...that cheered me up a lot. Last night as soon as I hung up my cell I got a text from Cory which is becoming a rarity. He asked what I was up to and I said nothing asking him back. He said "Just thinking about kidnapping you." Uhm wow lol, so I asked why, apparently Lizzi was in Rocky and wanted to see me. So we ended up hanging out. We were going to go out for a swim and went out to an area Cory knew of. We though Lizzi was crazy for wanting to try and drive her little car into the bush and she bottomed out a few times. When we came across a huge puddle she gave up and we all got into Cory's truck pretty much 4X4ing it. We came out on rocks and drove up to the river. We took one look and decided it looked like the water was flowing too fast and was too cold so we needed a new plan. Lizzi wanted to go out to where her horse was and we did, and she started hearing rattling in her car. So we stopped added some oil and went to limp it back to Cory's once there the car seemed fine so we just stayed out there talking. I stole Cory's hat and managed to fend him off quite well, then I tossed it to Lizzi who got worried and threw it back to the silly boy. After we parted ways and Cory was taking me home we were joking about how he read me so well, then I said he'd never called me on things (like me liking him...). He just smiled shyly and said he was going to but was afraid to in case he was wrong and would feel like an idiot. I never thought about it like that so I told him it was hard for me to finally come out and tell him like I did. Miranda keeps saying he might be hinting on his feeling but I don't know...maybe I never will. But I still am head over heels for him.

And I still get those same butterflies, after we talk.
And after I reread everything you wrote...

So even though I'm now the second choice and it hurts I want to stay on solid ground so I think I know what to do....I hope. And I'm going to try my hardest. I'm going to act like I don't give a damn, have fun if I can...unless Heather has Cory on a short leash. I refuse to abandon him so I'll be there for him if and when she leaves, but I refuse to be the rebound. If it ever comes up I'll say it all up front, it's all or nothing with us, I'm not the rebound, and I can't just be there because he can't have his first choice.

I'm a broken record with one track, that someone left on an endless loop.

I really could use a good cry right now.

Put your money where your mouth is or just shut up.

One of the hardest choices one could ever make it hurt the one they love or be hurt by that loved one.

Your were the only exception, but now I think your becoming the rule. Though I guess you wouldn't know that...

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may never forget you. Love me, and I may be forced to love you."

"Anyone can close there eyes to the things they don't want to see. But no one can close their heart to the things they don't want to feel."

Happiness doesn't mean everything in life is perfect, but rather the ability to look past life's imperfections.

He can mend my heart fast, but he can break it faster.

Well I guess all good things come to an end, or maybe I'm over thinking it and drawing the conclusions again.Well Cory said he and Heather are really good friends again. I'm happy their friends but then he said he still really liked her. That's what worries me.

And I think I've finally discovered that sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world...

For those who don't like me, it just goes mind over matter. I don't mind and you really don't matter.

Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free....
Will never fly away.


-by Dick Sutphen

So I hung out with Cory again, he picked me up from work and we headed to Cow Lake. It was busy so I mentioned that Debbie had mentioned if we wanted we could visit her at South Fork since she was camping there. We decided to head out there, hoping Cory remembered the way. Debbie laughed and welcomed us when we arrived. And we'd barely gotten there when everyone decided they needed stuff from town like, cigarettes, more alcohol and stuff. So Deb volunteered to go get it, and Cory and I went for the drive along with her son Randy. We had fun blaring tunes and joking. Just for kicks on the way back Debbie decided to check out prices of liquor at the Cow Lake Store, it was considerably more expensive. Then we started looking at fireworks deciding to buy even more. We left adding Big Bertha and some others to the already huge pile of fireworks in Debbie's Jeep. Cory decided we would go back out to see the fireworks after supper. And Debbie invited us to stay if we wanted and said she'd set up a tent. We went back into town and in the end just ended up sitting on the couch at my house. Cory ended up kind of cuddling up to me again. Then we decided we'd better get going to see the fireworks. We got to the back door and then i jokingly grabbed his hat putting it behind my back. He just grinned, and stepped forward, so I started walking back. He closed the space between us, wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close for a hug and stealing his hat back. Only to place the hat on my head, saying this was a funner way to get it back. Then we turned to walk out and he kept his arm around me. In the end it was too stormy and wet to stay out at South Fork and we couldn't do the fireworks but oh well.

And if they said the only place I could ever see you was in my dreams...I would sleep forever.

"Cause I know something the prince never knew, that all too soon the clock will stike midnight...and she'll be gone."

Where's my Prince Charming, you may ask?
Well mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I would take ever star from the night sky
For keeps, they'd be yours and mine.
Collect the starfish from the ocean floor
Because together we need nothing more.

Do you remember when, I told you this that night,
That if you're by my side, when everyday begins
I'll fall for you again.
...I made a promise when
I told you this that night...

Ok so it's taken me a while to be able to actually write this here because I've been on cloud freaking nine since then. Well I did end up going to Westerner Days in Red Deer with Cory and it was fun even though we didn't go to the Marianas Trench concert and there were a few unhappy events. I was so nervous when I left my house and honestly I'm amazed Grampa let me go. The drive was fun and filled with random conversation and jamming out to music. We got to the grounds as soon as it opened and there were already obsessive teen girls camping out by the doors of where the concert was to be held. We wandered around a bit and got out wristbands. After going on Zero Gravity we found this weird thing that two people can go and and you get spun around in so many different directions like there's no gravity at all. It looked kool so we decided to try it, TL and Lawson went on together and I went on with Cory, he wouldn't let me pay for myself either...silly boy. Then we wandered around a bit more and decided to look at some animals. Cory just laughed when I was excited about the baby pigs and how they snorted when I petted them. We also walked through this market thing, kind of like a Trade show only a few more western things. After a bit we went back out and everyone wanted to play games, well at least Lizzi and TL did. Cory decided to try once at this shooting game. Among all the prizes there was this HUGE unicorn that Lizzi fell in love with and had to have. So they stayed there playing and spending loads of money until finally the carny decided they'd played enough to win it. Lawson took it back to the car and disappeared for quite a while. Lizzi got restless and upset over this after we sat and waited by the entrance for about half an hour. So we walked back to where the car was parked and found it gone. I thought Lizzi was going to go berserk, but she just asked to borrow Cory's phone and called Lawson for the millionth time and found out he'd ran home for ear plugs for the concert. She told him we'd decided against the concert so we could go on more rides. Most of the rest of the day passed without too much event. Other than a spat between Lizzi and Lawson that had us leave the grounds early and head back to their place. Cory was worried about me being comfortable staying the night since I didn't know them that well. I told him I'd be fine and that I could deal with anything, but I was worried about Lizzi. He just reassured me that she was fine and that I shouldn't have to deal with stuff. That he could drive us home if I wanted. In the end we stayed. Lizzi and them went to bed after saying I could stay on the couch, and Cory in the basement when we were tired and that we were allowed to watch TV or game. We just sat on the couch quietly for a bit until Cleo the cat came out and was acting rather insane. I was excited and called out only to have the cat look and walk away. I couldn't believe it, the cat rejected me. Cory just pulled me close and hugged me saying it was ok. Then he decided to put on the xbox and try Halo on live. It was so much fun to watch him play, strange as that sounds. I mean those game characters die so dramatically it's hilarious. And the awkward convo's some of those guys with mic's have, just wow. Then there's Cory, who gets so into the game that he literally vibrates and bounces, it's kute but funny. He went on a major killing streak winning in Red Vs Blue. After winning around and coming out as the top player on his team, Cory and I high fived, but when our hangs met, he entwined his fingers with mine. I was shocked but didn't pull away which is unusual for me, but I was comfortable with Cory, it was natural. Then when the next game loaded he let go, instead cuddling up close to me. In between rounds he'd hold my hand again, sometimes even forgetting about the game as we cuddled closer, his arm around my waist and the other holding my hand. He would lean on me still when he sat up to play, at one point asking me if "Isn't it usually the other way around, girls cuddle up to boys". I just giggled softly and told him that it didn't matter. When he started getting excited and riled up over being killed, I rubbed his back gently and said it was ok. Cory calmed right down and seemed like all his guard went down and he leaned back against me, saying no one had rubbed his back like that but it felt good and that I calmed him down. So I kept rubbing his back softly, then he sat up pulling my close rubbing my back before gently playing with my hair. I whispered that I liked that, that it was calming to have my hair played with. After much stubbornness from both of us I decided at 4 am that we should sleep, he hugged me goodnight and retired to the basement. A bit after 8 am, Cleo jumped on me meowing for attention and waking me up. I sat up and petted her a bit telling her to hush. When the stupid cat decided she'd had her share of attention she trotted off again. I couldn't get back to sleep after that and decided to play with my cell phone, until Cory appeared. I asked why he was up so early, and he told me he couldn't sleep cause it was cold downstairs and stuff. He then walked over to the couch, pulled the blanket up and cuddled up underneath it with me. And damn he was cold, but it was ok, I don't mind cuddling with him is nice anyway. We shifted a bit and soon I think we both drifted back to sleep. I guess it's true I do really trust him, since not only did I sleep around him, but I slept right along side him lol. Shortly after we woke up Lizzi came downstairs and asked if we'd both slept on the couch. We both shook our heads still cuddled up. We moved so Lizzi could join us on the couch, and turned on the TV to watch Saturday morning cartoons. I was starting to feel sick, and didn't find out til later it was heat stroke. But at the time I thought i was contagious and mentioned maybe Cory shouldn't stay so close to me in case he got sick. Cory just smiled, cuddled up to me and said he didn't care. So we just stayed cuddled up like that for a while still holding hand, Lizzi didn't even say a thing about it. On the ride home Cory ended up holding my hand again, and I couldn't say that was lack of sleep, I asked if he minded us being like that, he said no. Then we got to talking about Charlies Angels since we'd watched it at Lizzi's that morning. I said I'd be Dylan the Drew Barrymore character cause she's kick ass. Cory said "But she likes bad guys, does that mean I have to be bad?" I just laughed, hiding my blush and said no. Later I teased him that on second thought bad boys sound pretty fun, Cory wrinkled his nose, glaring at me saying that wasn't fair.

And these feelings for you, they flow through my veins like electricity...