So I have to admit, there is just something about you that calls to me. You are like a child when you light up with that smile. But I know there is another side to you that I haven't seen yet and I hope that I can earn your trust enough to see it.

It's like a drought or a flood, nothing or everything. You completely fucked me up. If I give in, and I remember, which almost everything makes me...then it comes rushing in and I feel everything. The anger,the pain, the sadness and more, it's just empty though. But when I ignore it, you...there's just, nothing. I'm numb.

P, you know you have really done a number on me. God it's like I can't even escape you, which makes no sense because you left. You were my best friend, and I loved you dearly. Maybe more than I should have. Fuck, you know, everything seems to spark a memory of you. Even my favorite new show. Ironically my favorite character, Sid, he reminds me so much of the you that I used to know. Every fucking bit. Tonight I snapped and cried for you again. God I wish I was as cold as you, not remembering, not caring, and certainly not hurting.

I'm scared of a lot of things right now. Myself, and everyone else. I don't want to leave the house when it isn't necessary because I am terrified of getting hurt again. I can't even admit things to myself anymore. Does that even make any sense? Well, either way it is the truth. I have isolated myself from the world, and even then there are cracks in the wall I built and things keep slipping through. Like you. Even though you moved away, I seem to see you every where and ti's driving me insane. Haven't you hurt me enough already? Because of you I don't want any one else near me, because there is absolutely nothing else left in me to break. The fight has all gone out of me and I'm hurting, terribly bad. You know how I live now? If you can even call it living. I have become a ghost of the girl I was, I read, and I watch shows, I live through things that aren't real. I go through the motions but even then, I'm not really into any of it. I hope you are happy where ever you are, and I hope that maybe there is some chance you still remember me, if the drugs haven't taken memories from you to along with decency. And if they haven't I hope you have each thing, and I hope you're ashamed of yourself, of what you've done. Maybe it isn't fair I blame you, but it isn't just you and we both know that. You just happened to be the final pebble that made it all collapse.

I'm clean. I've been clean for quite a while. But you, you make be want to take it all over again. You make me want to get so fucking high that I don't even know myself anymore. And that really scares me.

It's my fucking money, I earn it. Therefore I will do what I bloody well want with it. Even if that means hiring some Male Elf Strippers.

You're still very much alive, somewhere. But the way I keep breaking down, it's as if you've died. It's like I'm standing here and the world is going on around me, but how can they? can they not see that I'm hurting, screaming silent lungs out inside. Everything is just so surreal. Can't you tell me that I'm being just a little bit stupid? Can't you tell me anything? I never got goodbye, but maybe I would not have handled it. But then again I'm not handling it now. Unless you call crying, and looking back handling things? I miss you. But maybe you don't miss me. I'm actually terrified that maybe you hate me and it was all some big charade.

1000 Girls, Two Hands, One Epic Month

1000 Girls, Two Hands, One Epic Month

Wow I can't believe how bold he is, sure takes bravery. I really love some of the girls reactions.

I wish I knew, if you were worth all the tears that I've cried for you.

I'm feeling out of place or something. I have no clue what's going on with me but I don't know how to stop it. Since he left I don't know it's like I've backed away and put the walls up. I'm normally a very social person and hate being away from my friends but now I'd do anything to be away from them except a select 2 people. I mean yea at school I'll hang around with people but that's more out of necessity than anything else. But as soon as the final bell rings I just don't want them near me, I'll go out of my way to avoid them. I make up excuses and lie my way out of hanging out with anyone. If people texts I'm irritated and never really reply. I spend most of my time alone, reading and longboarding when it isn't too cold.

I'm frozen. Cold from the inside out. And I must admit that it isn't because it's raining and the temperature isn't at a cozy setting, it's because you aren't here. I could wear the warmest sweaters or put the heat on full but nothing could help me. I miss your eyes, your smile, but mostly I just miss you.

i have said how I think and convey some things in lyrics but right now the only way I know how to show you how I feel is with them. I think that if I try to speak my voice would be lost in the chaos or I might mess it all up.

Maybe it's time to pick up the pieces again and see if I can put it all back together. It was a beautiful masterpiece, and now it's just a beautiful disaster, but I think I can't give up until it's restored.

"When you and I were getting high as Outer Space, I never thought you'd slip away. I guess I was just a little too late..."

-Shinedown- The Crow And The Butterfly

Sometimes I like to convey my thoughts using song lyrics from a song I like or a line of a book or other means. And I with you knew that. I wish you knew that sometimes I'm speaking to you in this way. I wish you knew it was my way of putting everything I want you to know in words that I don't have the means to do myself.

I love you, I really do. But at this point I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in you before. I know you have a brain and are seriously smart, so why don't you use it and stop doing such stupid action especially when the cost is so high. You'll never know that I found out and it almost killed me, I begged for you to get some mercy out of the situation, and maybe you will. But if you done and worse comes to worse, you knew the consequences when you crossed the line.

I'm not entirely sure how many read this but I'm spreading the word. Vote #teamjace in the Final Round of the YA Crush Tourney, you know you want to! He is hard to resist with his sarcastic charm that leave you laughing and then there's his to die for looks. Fans have helped him make it this far, but here is where it really counts, so come on, vote #teamjace and help him win!
Here's the link to the tourney: href="http://ya-sisterhood.blogspot.com/2011/08/grande-finale-jace-vs-zachary-match-24.html">

I think this made my day, and I have only the wonderful Lane to thank for that because he post this on my wall. : "Rhianna, first off, let me say that I loved being in Film Appreciation with you this year! We've only known each other a few months, but I would consider you a good friend of mine. You are a quirky individual - you never fail to surprise me with your bold personality. I love how you are so honest about your opinions and eager to express yourself no matter what other people may think. Don't let people get you down for being true to yourself."
:]

"No. I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's less of a threshold and more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer. But I do get easily bored."

-Jace in Cassandra Clare's City of Bones

Urban Dictionary just be one of the best sites for mindless entertainment, or just to see what other people think your name means. I think the best time I've ever had with this site was fucking around on the site with my best friends Peter and Lacey in Foods class instead of looking up out decorative sandwich things. Of course for the most part the teacher thought we were on task thanks to Peter pulling up the "Sammich" tab on UD every time she walked by. He was keeping us all entertained with his animated readings of the definitions. The dirtier the funnier lol. It was going great until the sub walked by and Peter again, faithfully pulled up the other tab and exclaimed "Sammich!" and began rereading the definition out loud. The sub then looked at him and said "You do realize I gave the class free time?" God the look on our faces was priceless.

Check the urban definition....Sammich: A sammich is a type of sandwich. However, it is not just any kind of sandwich. Any old schmuck can throw lunchmeat between two slices of bread and have a sandwich. But no. A sammich is not just a sandwich, it is not just a meal. Sammich is a term reserved for only the holiest and mightiest of all sandwiches. A sammich is a true work of culinary art; a feast on a bun, if you will. A sammich is not made of the best ingredients; it is made of the *right* ingredients. It needs the right meats, and the right cheese(s), the right sauce, the right veggies, and the right kind of bread. Taking footlong sub bread and throwing every kind of meat and cheese and everything else under the sun or in your kitchen pantry on it does not a sammich make. It is akin to an incohesive mishmosh of colors on an artist's easel. Sandwiches make a good snack, but sammiches are forever.